Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Mental health day...

I woke up before 7 this morning in tears. I was dreaming about my Mom for some reason. It was one of those dreams where it is so real and I must've started crying in the dream.. then woke up.. and was actually crying.

Not a good start to the day... and I could not pull myself together.. so I called into work and  call in sick ("migraine").. which.. i do have a headache now after crying so much.

It will be 6 years this July since my Mom passed away. I get scared when moments like this happen. It's so easy just to spiral down into nothingness but I have a better handle on it as the years go by. I'm pretty sure this was triggered by stress because of closing my fathers estate and uncertainty of the future. I havent been really missing my mom.. this dream really came out of knowhere.

as for the dream.. I was at a wedding.. my sister was getting married.. and I turned to my mom, crying, and she asked why i was crying... and I said 'becaus I'm afraid you're not going to be there for my wedding'... and then I woke up sobbing..

The sad/weird thing was that I could not see her face... and it made me realize that I can only picture her because of the photos I have of her... which breaks my heart.. 

I'm also getting close to 'that time of the month'... so I imagine I'm getting emotional because of that..

and as for work... I probably could have gone in.. but I had one more sick day left.. and in the grand scheme of things.. me not being there will not bring the office down.. life will go on and they will manage... and I refuse to let work bother me anymore. 

anyways.. that's the start of my day... still going to go to the gym and practice...and try to shake off these feeling... its scary to wake up like that.. makes me really wish I had health insurance and a therapist...


TJ said...

Im so sorry that was the start to your day today. :( Thank you for sharing it...maybe we all can help pull you through this. :)
tj :)

Tricia said...

Probably a good idea to take the day off after a morning like that. Had it been me, I know I would have been all emotional and little things would be driving me crazy. I lost my mom seven years ago, and it's always strange the things that remind me of her. I haven't seen her in a dream in a while, but when it does happen, it's always out of the blue and in a weird situation. It's still so hard just thinking about her without bringing up a lot of emotional distress. Sucks. I feel for you, friend. Relax today and take advantage of your day off. Feel better <3

fatty McButter Pants said...

I would love to be able to afford some mental health. I sure could use it. Sorry about your dream. I have very real, very crazy dreams almost every night. Each night is an adventure. I usually remember them too. Have a good rest of the day. I love your blog, keep up all your good work.

Dina said...

I agree, it was a great idea to take the day off. Sorry to hear all you're going through, that can't be easy. Hang in there.

Mama Bear June said...

I'm so sorry. Will be praying for you. My mom is dying and I know there will be lots of rough days. Hugs.
Path to Health

Mel said...

Thanks to all you left a note today. I was able to get a walk in and take in some of the sun!

Tamzin said...

Hey chicky! Glad that you could blog about this and not "eat about it". :)

Sorry its a sad story - I hope you're feeling better soon.

David Showers said...

This is major hug time. I mean one of those hugs where you just kind of melt into the other person. The kind that feels like a warm comfortable bed on a winter morning when you just don't want to move. The kind that seems to last forever, and you don't mind.

Consider yourself hugged. I can't imagine how you feel, but I thank you for sharing. I still have my Mom and reading your blog reminded me of just how lucky I am.

My heart and prayers are with you. Stay strong and keep encouraging people like me with your strength.

You are an inspiration.