Tuesday, December 29, 2009

weight in review

Looking back at my old posts I see that I CAN lose weight. I've noticed patterns (emotional eating anyone?!) and have a clearer idea of what I need to do to get back on track.

What amazes me the most is how I let myself go when I am in chaotic or un-structured situations. I've realized I need to be in control of situations. I don't think of myself as a 'control freak', but when I'm not in control I kind of just give up and in and that's when I stop caring and get lazy.

Case-in-point : transitions! I've moved (again) and have started a new job! I stayed with my friend K for 3 months until I had enough $ to get my own apartment. I did not eat well at ALL at her place. She isn't the healthiest eater, but I can't blame her. I could have bought healthier foods but I didn't and got in the 'well she eats like this, I guess i can too'.

I don't know why I feel I need to put myself in a bubble to be able to make my life work. Now that I have my own place I can stock it with healthy foods and control when and what I eat. I can join the gym and go after work.

Anyways.. looking back at my blog and weigh-in totals It shocks me to see that my lowest was 222 at the end of April. In may I started the process of packing up all my stuff into storage and in June I moved down to PA for the summer. I know I stopped eating well and exercising less come May. Too stressed and got out of sync with my schedule. I then did a mini-vacation with my sister in June and we ate at all our old childhood haunts and made bad food choices (and did a lot of DRIVING). Mid June to Mid August was summer camp. I thought I would be able to get back on track since we overhauled our food service at camp and went all organic/natural/local but I still managed to eat TOO much food. It was better for me.. but still I over-ate. I also got in a bad habit of having soda and candy when I had to work late in the office. I went for maybe 2 walks all summer. Granted, I walked a ton at camp, but I still gained weight for sure.

Mid August - mid september I was still in PA trying to find a teaching job. I was stressed and continued to make poor choices. I could have easily got up in the morning and gone out for a walk in the country-side, but I didn't. I finally found a job and moved to a friends house from Mid sept to early December. I've already mentioned that situation.

Here I am in Portland oregon visiting my sister and again, havent made good choices. It's been a lot of carbs, candy, and cola... not a good mix.

According to my sisters scale (255).. I have put on 33 pounds since May... 33lbs in 8 months!!!

My goal is to get to 199 by August 25th, my 30th Birthday. Thats a loss of 56lbs in 8 months.

If i can gain 30+ in 8 months... can I LOSE 50+ in 8 months?

Time will tell.

I getting more and more energized and inspired to get back on track.

I'll make another post soon about my 'goals'... more like rules to live by for life..

sorry for the really long post! If you are still reading... thanks!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Getting back on track...

It sees like every year I set the same goal: LOSE WEIGHT. This past year was no different. I had my ups and downs. I finally found an eating plan that works .... as long as I stick to it. I lost weight and then gained it all back plus some. As I write this, I am at my highest weight EVER. According to my sisters cheap little scale.. I am at 255.. but I will check on my scale when I get back to NY on Jan 2nd.

I know that I can lose weight. I've done it before. When I think about why I got back up to this all-time high.. a few things come to mind like being at a summer camp and throwing my good food habits to the wind... being jobless and stressed for over a month after camp... finally finding a job, living with friends, and then moving.

I finally have my own place and can stock my pantry and fridge with GOOD food. However, I am out in Portland Oregon with my sister for winter break and we have not been eating healthy. I bought a box of clementines and havent had a single one yet.

I need to get excited about being healthy again. There was a time where I was happy to eat well and go to the gym! My body is so tired and achey it's not even funny. My legs feel like stuffed sausage and I currently have no visible neck if Im sitting down. My back and feet hurt worse than ever and just the thought of walking on a treadmill for even 20 minutes makes me shudder.

I'm going to keep gaining weight and feeling worse if I keep it up. I know I need to turn things around and I know I will.

I would really like to be under 200 by my 30th birthday on August 25th. I think that is a reasonable goal. I also want to do a walk/run 5k this spring and then one in the fall so I keep myself on track at camp in the summer. Then in january 2011, T and I have talked about doing the disney marathon. So I def. have long term goals.

this all seems so daunting and I cant believe I got back up to this weight. I have only myself to blame. It's my choice to eat poor and not move. I can get back into it. I have to. If I don't, it's just going to get worse.

I'm going to read through my old posts and get re-inspired. My goal is to write daily again. If you have stuck around from last spring when I was really blogging a lot, thank you. I look forward to getting back on track and getting inspired by you all!

2010 is the year I finally do this... and I mean it this time!!!