Monday, December 29, 2008

Day 3 - eat clean

not gonna lie.. pretty hungry! I must be eating too little and since I cant afford more protein.. (yay food budget : ( I guess I will have to bump up the carbs. Balancing a diet is tricky! I'm adding in soy milk and I may have to add cheese back in but I'm not sure that's really clean.. plus cheese is such a trigger food for me.

Todays Food..

breakfast (8am)
1/2c oatmeal (it was supposed to be a cup but it exploded in the micro)
1 banana
1cup frozen fruit
1 scoop protein powder

snack (10)
baby carrots
3 tbsp hummus

lunch (1230)
1c bean chili
1c broc
1/2c couscous

snack (330)
10z almonds

dinner (630)
4oz turkey breast
1c mixed veg (had carrotts/corn)
1/2cup couscous

Its now 830 and I am freakin' starving!!

CALORIES ----1500
CARBS ----234
FAT ----30

off to have a glass of soy milk and a tbsp of pb ... which brings me up to

1,680 Calories
241 Carbs (55%)
43 Fat (22%)
103 Protein (23%)

Didn't get a workout in either.. got all the way to the gym and changed.. only to find i did not have my shoes with me! Boo... and I was really looking forward to my walk.. I'll get it in tomorrow and will also figure out the balance of this diet soon. Going away for NewYearsEve..will do the best I can and not beat myself up... It's just one day.. and one day of a whole week of good shouldn't be too horrible.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

day 2 - eating clean..

Woke up late again.. 10:30.. I put new curtains up in my bedroom so it's a lot darker..and I rearranged my room according to feng shui and I think that's helped.

Made a protein shake for breakfast..
1 scoop vanilla protein powder
1 banana
1/2c frozen strawberries
1/2 c frozen peach
1 cup warm water

It's ok.. it's not really smooth and creammy... more airy and fluffy.. maybe i need to add ice.. but I was trying to avoid the freezing cold smoothies in the morning...hmm

Off to the gym after this.. 45 min walk.. I need to get an audio book on my mp3 player..reading a mag yesterday made the time fly.. I also had my music on (brit brit, JT, Kanye...nice mix!)

I'm feeling good today.. mild headache this am.. but otherwise i'm up and feeling ready to DO things... and that's a good thing ; )

snack 1:00
1oz almonds

lunch 330
2 wheat wraps
3 tbsp hummus
5oz chicken
2 cup baby spinach

dinner 630
1/2c couscous
1c bean chili
1c brocolli

snack 800 - really hungry
3 tbsp hummus

Walk 45minutes (250ish cal)

I'm not eating enough calories... I really don't want to stall my weight loss because I'm not eating enough.. any thoughts on where to add more calories... I don't drink milk and I'm trying to stay away from cheese.

Clean eating is awesome!

Yesterday was my first day on the 'eat-clean' diet and I have to say.. if this is a 'diet' then count me in! Actually.. it's not a diet.. it's a lifestyle change.. but one that I feel like I can keep up with for the rest of my life. Why shouldn't I?! I ate all day (well.. every 2 -3 hours)...I ate foods that I like..albeit smaller portions..and felt really good about myself for eating whole, natural foods with not processing and minimal sugars.

speaking of the sugars.. It's shocking to see what has sugar in it. I was cleaning out my pantry last night and I tossed out more than I would've liked to (don't like to waste things!).. but I did it because I know sugar is a major culprit to my weight gain. I also may have PCOS (Poly cystic ovarian syndrome)..and while never officially diagnosed..deep down I have a feeling I do have this..and eliminating sugars is key to helping with that as well. Plus.. Cancer loves sugar...and my mom passed away from I'd like to not let that happen to me as well!

I did have a dull headache most of the day.. presumably it was the sugar because I felt like I was eating enough.... I sparkpeopled it and my days caloric intake was at 1550 .. and I did work out for 45 minutes (280cal) so I really should've had more food. My BMR is 2450ish.. so to lose 2 pounds a week, I should be eating 1450....but I need to eat what I worked 1700. It's interesting to play with those numbers but I don't want to get locked up in them either.. and all I do is think numbers... so I may just add more protein in at lunch.... I'm trying for a smaller meal at dinner so I don't go to be so full.

Anyways.. here was *yesterdays* food log:

Breakfast (10:30) (yay weekends~)
1 cup oatmeal
with 1 scoop vanilla soy protein powder
banana on top

2 things with this meal...
1. mixing oatmeal and powder before heating turns the end result into a disgusting, paste like, oatmeal..I had to add a tbsp of honey to get it down... will not be making it this way again.

2. I keep reading mixed reviews on SOY in the diet for women.. I'll have to find my resource.. but anyone know any definent reasons why not to have soy in the diet?

snack (1:30)
1 cup baby carrots
2 tbsp pre-made hummus (no sugar.. pretty natural/clean)

1. I was so hungry after this meal.. something to do with the carrotts or do I need more hummus (or a different protein)

Lunch (4:00)
2 small whole wheat wraps
2 Tbsp hummus /split b/w wraps
2 cups raw baby spinach
3oz chicken..split

delicious.. but really could've used more protein.. I'm on a budget so I need to find cheap meat..time to look through the ads...or just add some beans to the wrap..

Snack (7:00)
1 oz. almonds

Dinner (9:30) (way late.. but I didnt get to bed til 1)
1 cup bean chili
1 cup whole wheat couscous
2 cups mixed veg (had carrotts and corn...needed to get rid of it)

I drank at least 8 glasses of water.. if not more..
Overall -- not a bad day
I even got a 45 minute walk in... and looked at the weight machines but felt a little lost. I've used the ones I was familiar with.. but I'm going to have to get a trainer to show me the machines.. and maybe work up a weight training plan for me... something simple yet effective and does'nt make me look or feel like a basically sticking to machines.. haha

Friday, December 26, 2008

Why lose weight?

We all have our reasons... here are mine:

- I'm tired of being tired... of my knees and back hurting, of being winded from climbing a few flights of stairs, of feeling uncomfortable in my body

- I stop sleep feel better. I want to be able to shop off the racks, I want to have better circulation, I want to have one chin, not 3! I want curves..not rolls.

- I want my confidence and self esteme/self worth to match what I know myself to be but have trouble showing because I'm embarassed of my weight.

- I want a long career and a teacher...and singer. I have held myself back as a singer because of my weight...I've been afraid and embarassed. Looks are a big deal when you are a singer and on stage.. just as much as being an actress on stage or film... and while I wish it wasn't so... it is..and i'm not comfortable being a fatty on stage where tons of people are watching me.

- I want to reach all my life goals and live long enough to do so! Things like traveling.. learning to dance.. trying new things...meeting new people ... hopefully the love of my life sooner-than-later

- To look hot! Not my primary reason.. but I've never felt hot ever. I've be fat my whole life..I've never known what its like to wear that 'little black dress'.. or shop in regular stores...I'm sick of Lane Bryant and the womans/plus size section. I want to wear fashionable clothes and look hot!

Why change my diet?...

to not feel bloated and sick after eating... to stop my heart from racing at not become reduce my risk of any number of diseases.. to not be a statistic

There are numerous reasons to lose weight and eat healthy. I think it's good to take stock of why you want to make a major change in your life so you know deep down why you are doing this. Never do it for someone else or for superficial reason... do it because you want to and you know you need to.

Best of luck to everyone on their own journeys...

Tomorrow is a New Beginning

Where to start.... This past year has had it's ups and life and weight.. My lowest weight this past year was highest, 234 (not so long ago!). I've gone through a lot the past few months with moving back to ithaca..losing , who I thought, was the love of my life.. and having to change jobs and careers... as well as being without friends and family near by.

Not to say it was a bad year! My best friend Mary was married in July... I had a great teaching job (that I wish wasn't just a maternity leave!).. I spent 8 months in love and learned that I, in fact, am loveable. I spent my 8th summer teaching and directing at Ballibay (performing arts camp in PA). I sang my first Messiah and broke through some old singing habits. I've figured out some career goals for next year and feel like I will be able to get there.

I've also started to finally come to terms with my weight and why I keep holding on. Being fat is a safety net. It's easy to be fat and not be healthy. I've kind of holed my self up and really haven't been living. I'm not dating and I'm not very social... even though I know I am a friendly and outgoing person.. I just kind of gave up... and while I *was* in a realtionship.. I also didn't care about being healthy/losing weight because the guy I was with loved me how I was.. and he was also overweight..and food was a big part of our time together.

And now on to 2009. I really have a great feeling about next year. I have been thinking hard about what I want and how I am going to get there. I have my life planned out until about mid August already. For the next 5 months (til the end of May) I am here in Ithaca. It's a tight budget that I'm living on with the pay from this radio job.. but It's what I have to work with and I am ok with that. I hold no animosity anymore to the ex for having me move here and then dumping me... It just wasn't mean to be. On the flip side, it's given me time to really work on myself. I've joined a gym and have made time to workout every single day. I've also committed myself to clean eating and cutting out processed foods,sugar, and dairy. So thats my plan for the next 5 months. After that I'm off to Ballibay again from June until mid-August. I will still be able to workout.. go for walks morning and night (hopefully jogging by then!)..and I should be able to stay close to the clean eating plan... the food at camp is highly processed..but there is at least a salad bar. After camp my other best friend, Melissa, is getting married and I am in her bridal party.. another reason to lose some weight! By the end of august I will have found a good teaching job.. either elementary or ms music...or even a community college music job. I am looking in metropolitan areas... but for some reason the DC area is calling to me... but really.. anywhere I can perform and teach...and have some close friends nearby.

Tomorrow is the start to my new year.. 5 days early.. but why not end 2008 on a high note..and not a high weight on the scale ; )

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

lactose intolerant?

I am having a serious stomache issue... One of my co-workers made homeade irish cream (like baileys..).. and since I don't drink milk anymore (only soy milk).. I think I'm having a reaction to it.. so.. said Irish Cream will be poured down the drain.. don't need it.. and if it's going to make me feel this yuck.. then no thanks...

In other news..

I have joined a 6 week challenge hosted by *FiTCETERA*
I didn't notice a start date (if I'm wrong, let me know!).. so while I will be eating as best I can the next two weeks.. my official 6 week challenge will not start until Jan. 2nd.. after all the partys I have lined up. I will committ to going to the gym every day between 12/26 until 12/31 to make up for it all.

I bought 'The Eat-Clean Diet' book today and am 1/4 of the way through it. It's all things I've heard before for the most part but for somereason I just wasn't listening. For my 6 week challenge I am going to use this way of eating.. (which is really just sound nutritional sugars/whites... water...more veg/fruit, less carbs...).. The one component I am not doing is eating 5-6 small meals each day. I was never one for skipping breakfast..and I love oatmeal/fruit in the morning.. so that's not an issue... I will however have to find a good protein powder because I do not do eggs... Overall.. I this the eat-clean way (I wish they didn't use the word diet...) is a sensible look at how to live your life.. and I'm willing to give it a go!

1/2 day of work tomorrow.. then thursday and friday off. My sister was not able to come out for xmas because of $. Even if she had got a ticket.. she would still be stuck.. or at least delayed.. She's out in Portland Oregon.. they have at least a foot of snow.. and according to her "only 2 snow plows!'. The airport is a mess...and there are tons of delays. It's always sad when storms interfere with holiday travel... Family is so important at this time of year. It's been 5 years since our Mom and Dad passed away.. and this is the first year in our 28 years of life that we've had to spend it apart. We are both sad but will spend time on the phone and online christmas day.. we even have a scrabble (online) christmas day championship planned... I also have plans to spend some time with come co-workers who are here alone this I will not be alone : ) (plus I have all my new blogger friends to check in on!)

Off to read more..

holiday party

We had a holiday party today at work.. not a healthy food around... Had 3 pieces of mushroom pizza (papa johns)..1 wing.. yuck.. and about 5 homemade cookies...

Will be hitting the gym after work for SURE... and will fight hard to not throw in the towel for the rest of the day.. I have an apple here on my desk for mid-afternoon snack.. and it just seems so silly now...

I know.. fall off... get back on at the next meal....

Do I want to get healthy and lose weight?... YES

So get back on track right away....

**end talking to self**


Not a minute after writting this I was tempted to go get some more pizza and /or cookies... and I got really sad and upset.. I'm like a little kid who doesn't get what they want..

ITS JUST FOOD... It will not help me with my goals

The mental/emotional part of losing weight is just as hard.. if not harder.. then doing the work for it....

Monday, December 22, 2008

2 1/2 day work weeks rock...

Sloooow day at work... but I spent an hour and a half on the phone w/ customer service.. outsourced to some foreign country ..half the time I was asking to have things repeated.. I felt bad..

Consciously eating today...

1 tbsp pb

1 cup veg
1 cup couscous(4)
4 ginger snaps (3)
raw baby carrots
hummus (1)

apple (2)
cheese stick (2)

GYM - 30 minute walk (+2ap)

after gym -- 1oz almonds (4)

22 used - 2.. 20 used... 12 left for the day

garliky greens/mushrooms/white beans ?

I'm laying off on cheese at every meal...and will attempt to have less startch...but I have about half my points left and said dinner will not use more than 5 of those..

so my question is... if you are doing Flex.. do you have to eat all your points.. I mean.. I know if you are hungry you do.. but I don't want to eat crap just so i can use all my points for the day..

make sense?

off to find a recipe.. i have a bag of spinach and mushrooms that need to be used up!

Post dinner thoughts...

Used too much olive oil for one.... and could've done with a cup of beans instead of the can...

1 bag of spinach was NOTHING... I always forget how much smaller it gets once it's wilted..

I ended up making whole wheat thin spaghetti... mixed the pasta and veg/bean mix all together with some reduced fat parmesean cheese

I think I over did it with the pasts tho... I don't know how to measure it.. dry or cooked.. so.. I'm just going to say i ate the rest of todays points... after all the oil used and probably more than 2oz. of pasta.. and take away 5 from my WP bank...

(18 wp left)

any good tips on measuring pasta?!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

food 12/21

light wrap (1)
2 eggs scrambled w/milk (5)
cheese (2)

chili (2)
cheese (2)
sweet potato (3)

pasta w/broc and 'chicken' (8)
english muffin (2)
cheese (3)


really craving chocolate.. so will have a hot chocolate tonight and some ginger snaps perhaps.
Once my paycheck clears (which was supposed to be Friday MORNING)...I think I may go do myself a favor and buy the "Eating Clean' book.. or at least go sit in barnes and noble and check it out..

ginger snaps (6)
hot cocoa (2)

all 32 points used...
-4 from WPs... leaving 31 wp's

This is my issue with Flex... I may stick to my alloted points.. but I'm still not eating exactly healthy... I ate mostly carbs and cheese today.. I like the premise of 'eating to live'.. especially after reading the 'China Study'... how processed foods,meat,dairy... are not good for our bodies.. but it was very strict. I'm thinking Reno Toscas 'Eat Clean' plan may be the in-between plan I need.

.... apple (2)
pb (6)

23 wp's left

Moving Forward to 2009!

I had a great massage today.. in prep for a great 2009. I've been thinking about the ex all weekend and know in my heart that if we can't draw a big line and not cross it.. then there is just no way we can be 'just friends'. I really want to move FORWARD.. I don't want to be stuck thinking about the past.

This is my year.. I will get healthy for me and no one else.. I will do whatever I need to do to be happy.. I will lose this protective layer of fat and not be afraid to be who I am. I think what a lot of overweight people get stuck on is just that.. this fat is a protective layer..and it's safe (and easy) to just stay fat... we can try all we want to lose weight, but it's not going to happen until you just give in and let go... everything else will fall into place.

I'm not giving myself a time frame.. I will just take every day one day at a time.. focus on making good, healthy food choices...taking time to help my body get healthy by working out...and take time for my mental health.. wether its writting here or doing some yoga. I don't want to fall back or stay stagnant in this life (and body).. I want to move forward.

I'm really looking forward to this year... My lease ends at the end of may.. I will put all my stuff in storage (after a good purge of things I don't use/need... lighten the life load!).. I'll teach at camp again this summer..and apply for teaching jobs.. pretty much anywhere... I will find a job that I really love and will also be in a city that has many singing opportunitys. I will do things for me.. I will not actively search for a guy to be with or buy things that I think will make me happy... I will focus on me and making my life as full as can be.

What are your thoughts for the new year and how will you achieve them?

Saturday, December 20, 2008


231 this morning

english muffin (2)

cheese quesadilla (6)

'chicken' broc alfredo (10)

nuts (4)

4 daily left
all 35 wp available

I hung out with my ex, john, last night.. we dated for about a year and broke up 3 days after I moved back to Ithaca, mainly for him. We've been hanging out.. just doing dinner and playing rock band.. but it hasn't been easy. I've finally managed to not miss him as much in the BF way.. but after last night.. we are back in a mess with our 'relationship'.

We had dinner and then came back to his place to play rock band.. a few bottles of wine later.. and we were kissing.... and while I initiated the kiss... before we even started drinking... he was flirting with me... and kept doing so all night. I asked him what this was... and he just said 'were drunk and kissing... and I dont want anything again.."... as in relationship..

He drove me home soon after..

Now I am confused again.. I still have very strong feelings for him.. but he broke it up.. said he didnt love me.. so we decided to try being friends.. and it was getting ok until last night..

he left for FL for a 2 1/2 week break... I sent him an email.. we both have some thinking to do... I don't expect him to all of a sudden realize that he loves me and wants to get back together...but I also wonder if we can actually be 'just friends'..

anyways.. so that's my drama.. i've fought off emotional eating today at least.. staying on plan becuase really.. food will not fix this.. and I know that...

Friday, December 19, 2008

Snow Day!

Well.. almost.. We are getting a massive snow storm today/tonight and it started around 9:30am.. 2 inches an hour or more... We got to leave work early.. so I was home by 12:30.. roads were not plowed, ofcourse, but I made it home with no problem.

Will not be making it to the gym...but may get in a taebo video this afternoon... but am oddly tempted to organize my bedroom..

oatmeal (2)
pb (2)
sunflower seeds (1)
banana (2)

pizza english muffin (7)

I was just looking up nutrition data for hummus... and came across this great site... aptly named

It shows you so much info.. like how full it will keep you.. you can analyze recipes.. man.. I need to look around this site today.. looks pretty great!

I can't seem to quiet my stomach.. even after a large -3 glass- glass of water..

nuts (4)
chili w/cheese (4)
chicken wrap (5)

28 used... 4 left... , 23 weekly left...

thoughts.. have not been eating all my daily points..and have started working out this week... but also wonder if im just bored... but I def. do feel hungry.. so.. just thoughts..

Thursday, December 18, 2008


It's funny.. I'm in such a happy, positive place right now. I'm getting back to working out... am fully committed to WW again.

I was walking down to the UPS dock in our building and passed a couple guys... and what did I do?.. The ' i-have-no-self-confidence-because-i-am-overweight-so-i-will-avert-my-eyes/lower-my-head-and-walk-past-you"

I so can't wait for the day when I have confidence and can just keep my head up and smile..say hello..

I sometimes will keep my head up and give a smile and hi.. but it feels so awkward and fake to me.. like I don't even believe myself.. Maybe it's just my personality.. maybe I am an introvert.. but I would like feeling good about myself (i.e -losing weight).. would help me with my personality as well.. I know that there is an outgoing person inside..sometimes, around certain people that im comfortlable with, it comes out.. so.. While it's sad that I cant 'bring it' now because I'm letting my weight get to me.. I know that I am working on it..

Thursday 12.18.08


REALLY tired this morning.. I think maybe it's the exercise I'm getting now.. I feel so much happier being able to exercise... never thought i would miss it so much!

I am planning my meal ahead.. and will stick to it!

breakfast (8:10)
oatmeal (2)
pb (2)
banana (2)
2 coffees w/creamer and sugar (2)

sweet potato (3)
chili (2)
cheese (3)

Veggie Soup (0)
english muffin (2)
cheese (4)
sauce (1)

Walk- 40 minutes (+3AP)


25 used - 3 APS ... 22

hot chocolate (2)
ginger snaps 4 = 2.5... 8 (5)

29 used
3 left

Wed - 12/16/08


Couldn't even make it online yesterday.. going to the gym so late really makes my dinner late.. and I've been watching xmas movies instead of being online... but last night I went out to eat w/J and then we rock banded it up!

banana (2)
4 ginger snaps (3)

chili (2)
raw baby carrots (1)
hummus (2)
english muffin w/butter (4)

Gym - 35min walk (+3 AP)
12 almonds (2)
apple (2)

Dinner - Friendly's
chicken parm sandwich (20)
fries (7)
diet pepsi (0)

Total: 47
- 3 for AP

-12 from Weekly Points
WP remaining = 23

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Food 12/16


Breakfast (8:00)

1 pkt oatmeal (2.5)
banana (2)
1 Tbsp pb (2)

11am - diet dr pepper (0)

Lunch 12:15
1/2 sweet potato(2)
1 cup brocolli (0)
1 cup chili (4)
1/4c cheese (2.5)


snack - apple (2)

snack before gym 6:00
1 oz almonds (4)
1 string cheese (2)

Gym! 30 minute walk, 3.0, with 2 - 5 minute inclines (+2 AP)

Dinner 800!
large bowl of veggie soup (0)
english muffin(2)
cheese (4)

29 points used

+2 ap

Monday, December 15, 2008

Food - 12/15/08

Breakfast (800)
1 pck oatmeal (2.5) (Quaker natural harvest - maple pecan. yum!)
1/2 banana (1)
1/2 Tbsp natural pb (1)

probably could've had the whole banana and full tbsp of pb.. at little hungry now (10:30)
also could've brought a snack...

Lunch (1215)
1/2 sweet potato (2)
mixed veg w/cheese (2)
1 C chili (4)

snack (at lunch)
1/2 banana (1)
1/2 tbsp pb (1)

dinner 6:00ish
Rice (6)
Veggies (0)
light wrap (1)
1/4c cheese (2.5)

snack (830)
100 cal popcorn (1)

25 points used
and not feeling starving at night... : )

New lease on life...

At least that's how I feel.. If you've been reading along.. you know I had a pregnancy scare.. I took another test this morning and it came out negative. Not an hour after I got really crampy and my period had started.. Thank GOD. Not that I dont want children.. just not now. It really put me in a huge tail spin.. eating out of control.. my emotions were off the charts..

But NOW... I am happy.. and looking towards the future of just focusing on me.. no more guys.. no more crappy food.. Just healthy eating and exercise.. and getting back into yoga to help my stress levels. I think my stress just dropped after this mornings test and my period decided to come.. I know our bodies work like that..

So.. Called City Health Club.. and talked to the manager.. he gave me a great deal on 5 months.. well from now until I leave.. $220 for 5 months ($44/month).. and since Amy gave me my rent back (her BF is staying all next month.. so i get my money back.. and $ for taking care of her cat while she's away).. I have $350 extra... so $220 will go straight to the gym.. and the rest into savings for emergencies.

I can't believe how relieved I am.. now I can clear my mind and focus on losing weight and getting healthy..

Sunday, December 14, 2008

more veggies please

231 this morning..

Since i have salad stuff.. I'm going to do salads and soup for lunch this week. Ideally I'd like to try for one meal a day without any carbs.

I'm going to review the core plan.. I havent been to a meeting since late october (financial reasons)..and know noting about this new momentum plan they have... so I will stick with flex/core.

Breakfast (10am)
1 light flat bread wrap (1)
2 eggs (4)
1/4c cheese (2.5)


snack (200)
2 graham crackers (2)
natural pb (3)

lunch (315)
baby spinach salad (o)
bean dip dressing (3)

1 Cup bean chili (4)

Dinner (630)
2 cups veggies (0)
1 1/4 cups Rice (5)

815 - snack
carnation instant bf shake (4)
1 TBsp natural pb (2)

used 31.5

more veggies please

231 this morning..

Saturday, December 13, 2008

nice try...

I knew I was going to fail before I even started... I was starving by 4... probably because i had only had about 700 calories. Needless to say.. ETL is not going to be my plan. When it all comes down to it I need to watch my portions.. eat more veg and fruit..and less startch and dairy. ETL was so limiting.. and I don't like salad.. at least in the winter.. My goal is to have veggies or fruit at every meal.. no exceptions. I will keep counting points. I'm back up to 234.. where I was on 10/1/08 when I restarted WW. Looking back it was a lot of poor choices...especially when eating out..that got me back. I also really need to get exercising..

luckily ive only had 1550 calories today.. about 31 points.. and since I am back to 32 points a day.. I have not gone over and into my weekly points.


Day One - Eat To Live

day one and I'm here sipping my smoothie. I defrosted the frozen strawberries and peaches it wasnt freezing on this already cold morning. Added a banana, but a little too much water maybe.. but It is still good.. so no complaints so far.

The challenge will be the salads.. which is actually the biggest component to this plan. I need to change my thinking about salads.. It's nutritous and thats what this plan is all about .. eating nutritious food.

I need to make a few meals this weekend. I'm going to make another chili, minus the corn and tvp. I'm also going to make a bok choy soup w/ mushrooms and spinach. I hope to be able to get more creative in the kitchen with veggies.

I'm going to track todays food in sparkpeopl just to see how the nutrients break down and how much calories I actually get..

For lunch I made a big salad, half romaine and half baby spinach. I put shredded carrots, white beans and sliced cucumber on top. I tired to make a bean dip, but it came out too runny (too much water).. so i used it as a salad dressing instead. It wasnt bad. I don't think i'll be buying cucumber again tho.. not so yum this time of year.

I also made a pot of chili.. 2 bean w/tomatoes.. and chili spice... which has salt in the mix.. oops.
I am full after lunch tho. I was hungry not even 3 hours after breakfast i may need to add more fruit to my smoothies? I actually feel stuffed right now... I think it's the chili tho.. let's so how long till I feel hungry again. I have a big bottle of water so if i get the hungry feeling, I will drink water first.

Made hummus (no oil) and had baby carrots around 430.. I was getting hungry after I thought I was really full after lunch.. It's now 530 and I feel really really hungry. My stomach is growling. I don't get it. I'm thinking its just my body used to have a lot my calories by now..

Breakfast (10:30ish)
1 banana, 1 cup strawberries, 1 cup peaches (4 servings of fruit) SMOOTHIE
259cal/1gFat/67g Carb/3 protein/11 fiber

Lunch (1:00)
1 1/2 C 2 bean Chili
(black bean/chili bean (rinsed)/diced tomatoes/tomato sauce)

Large Salad
1/2 romaine, 1/2 baby spinach,shredded carrotts, cucumeber,white beans
bean dressing (black beans,spices,water)

snack (430)
baby carrots
home made hummus
(120cal/22 carbs/3 fat/ 4 protein)

Dr. Fuhrman

about his eat for health program.. which from what I can gather.. is similar to Eat to Live.. but not as cold turkey.. more gradual..

Friday, December 12, 2008

Getting re-motivated

completely off topic --- but still no period, but too a prego test and it came out negative.. plan b can mess TOM up.. but I'm going to take another on monday as told to do by DR... I would really love to not be pregnant...


Ok.. so.. I did some grocery shopping today for my new eating style. I'm using Dr. Joel Fuhrmans "eat to live' plan.. lots of veggies, fruits, beans and limit whole grains/startchy veg. I really hope I can do this.. I'm pretty sure I can.. but now I'm worried I wont be able to afford it! I'm going to track how much food I've eaten as well as how much groceries are lasting and costing.

Walmart has cheap canned beans and i found a great deal on the steam bag veggies ($1/bag!).. unfortunately.. my walmart is not a super w.. so VERY limited food section.. they had 2 shelves of frozen veg. I'm going to have to check out Aldi's for frozen veg/fruit.

Here's what I've bought.. let's see how long it lasts.. The goal is 1lb raw veg and 1lb cooked a day..but that's just the goal.. I did end up buying fat free salad dressing.. in his book he says salad dressing w/ 20cal or less is ok.. but oils are not really allowed on the diet.. and italian dressing has oil.. so it's a tiny cheat. Plus.. I forgot my avocados.. I will probably be getting groceries again in a few days anyways...

(2) steam fresh broc $2.00
(1) can black beans $0.58
ff italian salad dressing $1.98

Total $4.56


(3) bananas, $0.50
(1) Cucumber $0.99
(2) Zuchinni $2.33
(1) box choy $0.77
bag of 3 romaine hearts $3.69
2 boxes mushrooms $3.00
1 bag shredded carrots $1.99
2 bags baby spinach $5.00
large bag baby carrots $2.99
(1) bag frozen peaches (16oz) $3.69
(1) bag frozen strawberries (16oz) $2.65

TOTAL $27.58

Grand Total: $32.14

The problem is that my food budget is for $20/wk.. and I dont think the above food will last a week.. at least the salad wont.. we will see! I am looking forward to fruit smoothies tho! Bad time to start this eating plan tho.. its so cold! I'm going to print a bunch or WARM food recipes today.

This is the way I should be eating (and could be eating on WW). I'm giving it 1 month. I'm sure I'll see results.. but I wonder if I can afford it and actually enjoy it. That's the hard part.. but food is just there for nutrition and support the body.. It does not pay my bills.. it does not fix my problems.. Its just food.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

too stressed

I''m too stressed to care right now.. and that's not helping my weight issues..

my period will be a week late come saturday.. granted.. i took the plan b pill.. and that can sometimes make it late.. but I just have a bad feeling that it didn't work for me. DR said if nothing happens by the 15th, to take a pregnancy test.

so.. I havent really be able to stick with eating the best this past week.. I've been an emotional mess and making horrible food choices. But I will log my food for today... even thought I'm goin to be switching to the Eat to Live plan probably on Saturday.. just so the first few days are on a weekend.. because I'm sure I will feel crappy detoxing from all the crap i've been eating.

Food Log

toast w/ natural pb

1 cup no meat chili (corn/black beans/tomato/fake ground beef) 5 p/ cup
4 taco shells (6)

huge sweet potato (4)
butter (2)
2 cups mixed veggies (0)
cheese (4)
4 'chicken' nuggets (4)

4 graham cracker sheets (4)
unknown amount of natural pb

64 oz water

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

a change is gonna come...

I've kind of slipped from WW and counting points. About 2 months ago I read the book 'Eat to Live' by Dr. Joel Fuhrman. It's basically a vegan diet with limited startches. The concept is to have the majority of your calories come from Greens/Veggies and Fruits. You also need to eat at least 1 cup of legumes a day. You have the option to have 1 cup of either whole grains or a starchy veg (corn/potato..). You may not eat any meat, dairy, cheese, processed foods, oils..

It seems very extreem to me but man.. something needs to give.. Im up to 232 today and I am completely miserable (it doesnt help that my period is late.. and thats not good!)

I figure I can do smoothies for breakfast.. I like those..
I can make veggie soups, bean soups, make veggie curries, stir frys (w/ veg broth)
I'm going to start this as soon as I can get to the grocery store. But before that I need to pick a couple recipes. Im not a huge salad eater.. but If i can have a low cal dressing on it, I can do it. Plus I can have avocado and nuts (limited) .. so It wont be horrible.

I just really need something to get me out of this downward spiral I'm in. I love WW but it's so easy to still eat bad foods as long as I'm within points.. and lately.. that doesnt even matter..

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


I deserve to lose weight and be healthy. IM WORTH IT!

Monday, December 8, 2008

This needs to stop!

Another binge...

I made chili tonight.. it was delicious and filling.. but after my serving I still wanted more food.. even thought I had had enough.. so I went down stairs.. made 2 100cal bags of popcorn.. my roomate had shredded some cheese for pizza and was not around.. so i sneaked a couple handfuls of cheese... then had 3 or 4 cookies she had made last night...

what is wrong with me?!

I am going to sit down right now.. and on a piece of paper.. make menus for the rest of the week.. and then i will check off each meal as I have it... I will also include point values and not feel obliged to have eat all 30 points.. especially since Its been a bad 3 days food wise.

Only positive thing to report is that I did an exercise video.. although I was not impressed with it. I have this pilates 'magic circle' thing and the video that comes with it is rediculous and the only part that was actually a work out to me was the end where we did pilates moves (the Hundered and leg lifts...) But I did SOMETHING... even though here I sit watching tv and writting.

I came across the Food Addicts page today.. I read through the page.. its a 12 step program like AA.. they listed FA's 'signs you could be a FA"... they are as follows..

Are you a food addict?To answer this question, ask yourself the following questions and answer them as honestly as you can.

1 Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't? maybe
2 Do you think about food or your weight constantly? YES
3 Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success? YES
4 Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging?
I've thought of it.. and sometimes think if I had access to a gym I would spend my whole evening there..
5 Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people?
I take all my meals in my bedroom... so yes
6 Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight?
I've only had DR's suggest to lose weight.. although.. my mom had me taking chromium when i was in HS.. so she was concerned
7 Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)?
YES... tonight.. and at least 5 times in the past few weeks...
8 Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long?
Not really.. i only nibble if I'm home all day.. I have a pretty set schedule otherwise
9 Do you eat to escape from your feelings?
Who doesnt... right now it's because I think I might be Preggers... and not wanting to be...
10 Do you eat when you're not hungry?
Yes.. I get bored.. I get emotional... I eat
11 Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later?
Yes... I belive it was wrapped chocolates...from the garbage.. yeah..
12 Do you eat in secret?
Yes.. and I sneak food when no one is around or not looking
13 Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake?
I WISH I could...
14 Have you ever stolen other people's food?
If taking 6 cookies from my roomate.. then yes...
15 Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?"
WHy hide it when I can just eat it now...
16 Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight?
I think about it.. If I had a gym membership.. I think I would try..
17 Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten?
Not obsessively..
18 Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten?
19 Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?"
YES... cancled dates..stopped singing...stopped living...
20 Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food?
I feel frustrated.. I know I can get through this rough patch.. I keep thinking of that scene from "Fried Green Tomatoes".. where kathy bates character says "I wish I had the guts to just get REAL FAT!"... I feel like that sometimes..

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may be a food addict. You are not alone. FA offers hope through a real solution to food addiction.

$8 for 2 cups of coffee!?!!

One of our morning DJ's is out infront of Wegmans grocery store for the week. We are collecting canned good for the red cross food pantry in Ithaca and he is living out there (in a tent) for the week while we take donations.. and try to fill a 24" truck. Anyways.. I went down to see how he was doing.. Its FREEZING out.. so I grabbed him a large gingerbread latte and got myself a small of the same version... came to $8 dollars and change.. WTF?! For coffee.. c'mon! I will not be going there for coffee again... $2 for a large coffee at DD's!

Re-focusing this week.. Eating in moderation.. kind of.. damn cookies

Food Log

bagel (3)
butter (2)

sweet potato (3)
veggie mix (1)
cheese (3)

small gingerbread coffee (5)
3 shortbread cookies (6)

7 points left

Sunday, December 7, 2008

I fell off the wagon...

I've been really struggling with eating right the past week.. I had a wedding to go to Saturday and it was buffett.. I got a huge plate of food.. ugh.. AND there was a candy bar.. which I ate all my candy today to "get it out of the house"... I had chinese tonight..and about 6 shortbread cookies

I just have no control right now.. I keep waiting for that gym membership thinking it will change everything.. and It will.. I will definently watch what I eat even more.. but I can't wait for that.. because who knows if ill be getting into a gym any time soon.

Anyways.. Tomorrow is a new day.. and I will continue to count my 30 points a day.. and since Saturday is my restart.. I have definently used my 35 weekly points. I have cleaned my room and have space to work out and have no reason not to. My goal is to do some form of movement at least 2 times this week. I have a pilates ball that I can also attach bands too... I have taebo on dvd... I should be able to take 20 - 30 minutes after work to workout instead of sit on my ass for 4 hours after work.

I'm going to lose this weight.. even if it means 1 lb a week or less... I'm not living my life. I cancled a date because I feel so fat and just don't feel like meeting people. That's not good! SO.. I need to lose weight to make myself feel better about myself.. and to actually live my life.. because right now I'm just wasting it. I've let my weight really hold me back recently. I need to seriously focus on me.. and take losing weight seriously. I need to be focused and determined 100%.. stay within points and get some kind of exercise in. I have to do this.. I'm not healthy and I'm definently not happy.. this changes NOW.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Busy day!

I barely had time to sit.. which is good.. beats what I've been doing the past few weeks.. which is checking mail and facebook obsesively because I have nothing else to do. One of our sales people made a 10K ad sale.. so we have met our quota for the month. Ive been busy with orders and making our company christmas card.

Food Log
bagel (3)
cc/butter (3)
banana (1)

mexican lasagna(6)
cheese (3)

graham crackers (3)
rf pb (3)

8 left

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

busy day

I was so busy at work today.. billing time.. which I have no idea how to do, so the business manager from our other station came to help me.. it was very overwhellming to say the least. I had to stay in the building to do work.. so I went to a cafe downstairs and got black bean and corn chili.. thinking it was vegetarian.. SO not.. it had beef in it.. blech...

Food Log
bagel (3)
butter (2)
banana (1)

Chili (7)

cheese (3)
sweet potato (3)
3 chix nugs (3)
butter (1)

mini pop corn (1)
100 cal ice cream (2)

used 26

going to be hungry.. but I wont eat after 9.. so oh well!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

moment of weakness

Well.. yesterday wouldve been in points until i decided last minute to get chinese for dinner.

231 this morning.

I stayed home today.. just really rundown and I feel like I'm getting something.. so I called in.. ended up sleeping until 1130.. mustve needed it.

Food Log
cheese/chix/spag.sauce Quesedilla (10)

Monday, December 1, 2008

getting back on track!

230 this morning

food log
bagel (3)
cream cheese (2)