Thursday, October 16, 2008


So I was feeling sorry for myself.. Pissed about my current state of affairs... crying about John and how awesome it wouldve been to be in Ithaca together... just plain feeling sorry for myself... I told myself to stop it... got out of bed.. put some workout clothes on.. my shoes on.. and headed out the door to go for walk. 

It was  pretty big moment for me.. and I thought about alot of things as I walked and jogged. I'm tired of this pattern I'm in: something goes wrong.. I give up and don't do anything about it.


I'm doing things for myself now.. not to make a BF happy or anyone else. So I'm here in Ithaca until the spring at least.. FINE... I'm going to really honestly focus all my energy on ME. I'm not going to try to lose weight.. I'm GOING to lose weight. I'm going to stop making excuses.. I'm going to be active every day. I will make the best of it all because I KNOW there is more to life and more to ME than what is there now. 

While I was talking to myself on my walk, I decided a couple major things... To the one person who reads my blog.. You can skip this if you want! : )

1. I've never actually taken time for me.. 28 years and I've always tried to make others happy.. make them first. No more.. exluding my sister.. I'm the only one that comes first.

2. I do like teaching.. and If I want the lifestyle I've had (travel, not being so strick w/$..) then I need to get a full time teaching job. I need to apply for an extension on my liscense.

3. As much as I love my sister.. If I want oppourtunities to sing.. Portland Oregon is not the answer. I will look for teaching jobs on LI/Queens and also in the Metro DC area. 2 very expensive areas... but a whole bunch of singing gigs, and close to Melissa, Mary, Tracy and Kristin.  If I have to get a roomie again.. so be it. I want to be able to sing and teach. I will still look for teaching jobs in Portland just in case nothing comes up in the other 2 areas.

4. Since I'm single, and focusing on me until June.. No need to look for a boy friend.. SO.. since I'm budgeting my life.. I'd rather take the $50 bill for my Nuvaring.. and use it towards a Gym Membership, so.. starting November, I will join the city health club here in Ithaca.. they have a bunch of awesome classes.

5. I really *do* like to exercise.. especially jog.. while I can't sustain it.. I jogged more than I ever have on today's walk and will make it my goal to be able to jog a full 30 minutes by June.

6. Weight Watchers is very important to me.. I would go online to do it to save money.. but the thing that counts the most for me is the support. I know I don't know the people personally.. but It helps to remind me that I'm not alone. Sure, I could weigh myself at home and keep track online.. or even for free for that matter... But I find the meetings make me accountable.. so I will keep going. 

A lot of thoughts going through my head tonight. I'm going to make the best I can given the situation I'm in. 

Todays Food log

shredded wheat and soy milk (5)


1 1/2 PB and Jelly Sandwiches
Fries (SO didn't need them)

starbucks pumpkin latte w/whip cream (4?) *

zuchinni, onion, corn over 1 cup CousCous (4)
1 ww wrap w/sauce and cheese (4)

Total Used - all 31
plus 2 points from my 4 point walk/jog

2 AP remaining
25 weekly left

* I had another 'defining' moment.. I wanted to get a pumpkin muffin.. but i knew that It was just because I was bummed about trying to find a new job.. So I didn't get one!

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