Monday, December 8, 2008

This needs to stop!

Another binge...

I made chili tonight.. it was delicious and filling.. but after my serving I still wanted more food.. even thought I had had enough.. so I went down stairs.. made 2 100cal bags of popcorn.. my roomate had shredded some cheese for pizza and was not around.. so i sneaked a couple handfuls of cheese... then had 3 or 4 cookies she had made last night...

what is wrong with me?!

I am going to sit down right now.. and on a piece of paper.. make menus for the rest of the week.. and then i will check off each meal as I have it... I will also include point values and not feel obliged to have eat all 30 points.. especially since Its been a bad 3 days food wise.

Only positive thing to report is that I did an exercise video.. although I was not impressed with it. I have this pilates 'magic circle' thing and the video that comes with it is rediculous and the only part that was actually a work out to me was the end where we did pilates moves (the Hundered and leg lifts...) But I did SOMETHING... even though here I sit watching tv and writting.

I came across the Food Addicts page today.. I read through the page.. its a 12 step program like AA.. they listed FA's 'signs you could be a FA"... they are as follows..

Are you a food addict?To answer this question, ask yourself the following questions and answer them as honestly as you can.

1 Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't? maybe
2 Do you think about food or your weight constantly? YES
3 Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success? YES
4 Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging?
I've thought of it.. and sometimes think if I had access to a gym I would spend my whole evening there..
5 Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people?
I take all my meals in my bedroom... so yes
6 Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight?
I've only had DR's suggest to lose weight.. although.. my mom had me taking chromium when i was in HS.. so she was concerned
7 Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)?
YES... tonight.. and at least 5 times in the past few weeks...
8 Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long?
Not really.. i only nibble if I'm home all day.. I have a pretty set schedule otherwise
9 Do you eat to escape from your feelings?
Who doesnt... right now it's because I think I might be Preggers... and not wanting to be...
10 Do you eat when you're not hungry?
Yes.. I get bored.. I get emotional... I eat
11 Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later?
Yes... I belive it was wrapped chocolates...from the garbage.. yeah..
12 Do you eat in secret?
Yes.. and I sneak food when no one is around or not looking
13 Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake?
I WISH I could...
14 Have you ever stolen other people's food?
If taking 6 cookies from my roomate.. then yes...
15 Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?"
WHy hide it when I can just eat it now...
16 Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight?
I think about it.. If I had a gym membership.. I think I would try..
17 Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten?
Not obsessively..
18 Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten?
19 Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?"
YES... cancled dates..stopped singing...stopped living...
20 Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food?
I feel frustrated.. I know I can get through this rough patch.. I keep thinking of that scene from "Fried Green Tomatoes".. where kathy bates character says "I wish I had the guts to just get REAL FAT!"... I feel like that sometimes..

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may be a food addict. You are not alone. FA offers hope through a real solution to food addiction.

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