Friday, December 26, 2008

Tomorrow is a New Beginning

Where to start.... This past year has had it's ups and life and weight.. My lowest weight this past year was highest, 234 (not so long ago!). I've gone through a lot the past few months with moving back to ithaca..losing , who I thought, was the love of my life.. and having to change jobs and careers... as well as being without friends and family near by.

Not to say it was a bad year! My best friend Mary was married in July... I had a great teaching job (that I wish wasn't just a maternity leave!).. I spent 8 months in love and learned that I, in fact, am loveable. I spent my 8th summer teaching and directing at Ballibay (performing arts camp in PA). I sang my first Messiah and broke through some old singing habits. I've figured out some career goals for next year and feel like I will be able to get there.

I've also started to finally come to terms with my weight and why I keep holding on. Being fat is a safety net. It's easy to be fat and not be healthy. I've kind of holed my self up and really haven't been living. I'm not dating and I'm not very social... even though I know I am a friendly and outgoing person.. I just kind of gave up... and while I *was* in a realtionship.. I also didn't care about being healthy/losing weight because the guy I was with loved me how I was.. and he was also overweight..and food was a big part of our time together.

And now on to 2009. I really have a great feeling about next year. I have been thinking hard about what I want and how I am going to get there. I have my life planned out until about mid August already. For the next 5 months (til the end of May) I am here in Ithaca. It's a tight budget that I'm living on with the pay from this radio job.. but It's what I have to work with and I am ok with that. I hold no animosity anymore to the ex for having me move here and then dumping me... It just wasn't mean to be. On the flip side, it's given me time to really work on myself. I've joined a gym and have made time to workout every single day. I've also committed myself to clean eating and cutting out processed foods,sugar, and dairy. So thats my plan for the next 5 months. After that I'm off to Ballibay again from June until mid-August. I will still be able to workout.. go for walks morning and night (hopefully jogging by then!)..and I should be able to stay close to the clean eating plan... the food at camp is highly processed..but there is at least a salad bar. After camp my other best friend, Melissa, is getting married and I am in her bridal party.. another reason to lose some weight! By the end of august I will have found a good teaching job.. either elementary or ms music...or even a community college music job. I am looking in metropolitan areas... but for some reason the DC area is calling to me... but really.. anywhere I can perform and teach...and have some close friends nearby.

Tomorrow is the start to my new year.. 5 days early.. but why not end 2008 on a high note..and not a high weight on the scale ; )

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