Kindda down tonight..

so let's figure out why...

I didn't get financed for the Murano. This after dealing with a really crappy sales guy who had no clue and no customer service skills.. I was pretty annoyed about that. I went to the Hyundai dealer tonight.. told him my story and he took all my info to see what he could do. I currently own a hyundai..so there is the incentives for that. He heavily suggested a co-signer to help things and asked 'what about mom and dad?'

I hate this question...and can only brush it off casually so much.. so I just said right out.. "my mom and dad both passed away a few years ago... and my sister is out in Portland... so no.. there really is no one around to help co-sign'

insert awkward fumbling of words by sales guy

Overall I don't mind telling people about this...as long as I know them (Karen - you are FINE!!!).. I think I'm just annoyed with the car buying process and frustrated with the $ issue of it all. I can't ask any of my friends to co-sign.. we are all in financial submarines.. and we all are struggling (or sinking, to go along with the submarine analogy!). I just started my new job.. and don't think I could ever ask my boss anyways.. thats just weird.. and other relatives.. I just dont feel *that* close to to be asking for a co-sign. My best friend Eva co-signed for one of my student loans and I feel so guilty having her on there.. especially since I have to keep deffering that loan and they bug her about it. I just dont like having to tie someone in to my mess.. and not that I'm not able to make monthy car payments now.. I do $320 a month now.. I just get nervous with $ I guess.

So..Hyundai is going to see what they can get me in to.. even if its not an suv, which I would prefer..I haven't felt safe in a car since my car accident back in 2003.. I like to be higher up and off the ground! Ofcourse when the dealer drove my car he didnt get the crazy shifting/bucking issue that I keep having.. why does it always work like that?!

Anyways.. So that's been bugging me today...

I was also doing training or "remedial help" as I call it.. at another radio station today. The girl who trained me 2 months ago is Prego and due on Feb 5th..so i wanted to just sit down with her and review things and fix errors and just make sure I'm doing the right things.. so that was stressful..

Plus I'm cold and tired from driving for 2 hours

and.. I didn't get my regular snacks and lunch in

I went out for lunch today.. to a mexican restaurant. Now.. I am actually ok with this since I told myself I would alow 1 meal a week to be "off plan".. I had a chicken burrito, which ofcourse had cheese on top.. could I have asked for no cheese?.. sure.. but I decided not to. The burrito came with beans and rice. But then there was my downfall.. the CHIPS AND SALSA. Chips, salsa, and I are good friends.. we go way back... but they are a trigger food and I had to kick them out of the house. But.. I did say that I get one meal a week to eat what and how I want.. So.. todays lunch.. which was close to a days worth of calories in that one meal... Was just ONE MEAL out of this week.

I came home and made eggs and toast.. filled my water bottle up (also something i was lacking on today.. ).. and came up to my room to read and relax.

I actually feel better having just "said" all this.. writting is such a powerful tool for me and sometimes the best way for me to express my self.

I will not let this day ruin my week. I know that once you fall off.. you have to get right back on.. and I did that with my portion controlled dinner. The old me would've said "F*ck it!.. I'm going to go get some chinese take out because today SUCKED'... but not the new me..

The new me knows what I can achieve now.. it knows that one meal will not break me.. It knows that Food will not help me with my $ issues.. It will not help me be happy and It will not fix anything.. its just food... there to provide NUTRITION.. and thats it.

I hope you all had a great day! I'm off to watch Obama's inaguration that I had to miss because I actually had to do work.. boo hoo!

ok.. done ranting/whinning/complaining/making excusses