Wednesday, January 21, 2009

this is a heavy weight...

I'm realy struggling tonight. I had a stressful day at work with meetings and trying to catch up on yesterday work that I missed because of training at another radio station. Plus the vibe at work is very negative.. a lot of angry people and back talk/gossip that I am really trying to stay out of.

I'm also still stuck in the auto finance mess. Day 2 of working with the Hyundai dealer (this after getting treated bad and then not financed at Nissan).. still no banks stepping up to help me. I can't blame them.. My credit isn't the best.. I have a ton of student loan debt... I'm barely making enough to survive and have only been at this job for 2 months anyways. Hyundai called today to let me know they are not having luck and if I had any luck finding of cosigner. Ofcourse I havent... since I wont ask anyone.. I'm not putting what little relationships I have in jeopardy. And it's not that I think I will default. I have been successfully paying a monthly payment on this car loan I have now for the past 3 years.

I emailed my uncle.. my late mothers brother.. just for advice on where to go now. I said flat out that I was not asking him and his wife to cosign for me.. but that I just needed an adult opinion (and while I didn't state the obvious to them)... an opinion because I have no mother or father or really any adult figures to go to.

I ofcourse broke down for the first time in 09 about missing my mom and dad.. and being angry that they aren't around to help me with this (not blaming them).. and now I'm just really really sad.. which I don't like becuase I have been really really happy and positive up until the past few days.

I went to the gym today.. but only walked for 30 minutes... I think my shoes are too small as the back of my heal now has blisters. I don't have $ for new shoes.. so I need to dig through my closet.. I think I have a pair of new balance in there that I haven't used much.

Since I only did 30 minutes.. I decided to talk to a personal trainer.. just to show me what machines I should use to get started on a basic weight routine. I gave me new confidence in personal trainers. He was not pushy, he understood my fears and concerns and told me flat out that there was no reason to use half the machines in the building... to just focus on the basics and don't be afraid of other people watching you. He agreed with my saying that because I'm doing walking and jogging, that going nuts with lower body machines isn't necessary. He strongly suggested just doing squats with my body weight.. maybe touch on the leg curl/extension and the leg ad/abduction machines. As for upper body.. chest press, row, and pull down... free weights for biceps/triceps. As for abs.. I mentioned I had done pilates and yoga in the past and may stick to that for my core strengthening. He 100% agreed, saying that doing crunches is only good for helping you do more crunches and that pilates/yoga are what you need to do to strengthen the core.

I felt a lot better after just talking with him. I've used all these machines before but just wanted confirmation on what I should do to get started and focus on the main muscle groups. As I progress and feel the need to get more serious about weight training, i will ofcourse get a more specifc program in place.

I have decided to do this after my cardio. This means I may need to make cardio for 30 minutes unless I want to spend an hour and a half at the gym.. and that all depends on if I can get out of work at 5 or not. I did ask my boss if I could leave at 5 instead of 530 since I am not going out to lunch and only taking about 20 minutes of my hour break to eat.. and that at my desk doing work! He agreed to give it a try.. so M/W/F I am allowed to leave at 5 if I am all caught up and nothing else is pressing.

And, once again, I feel much calmer after taking the time to write this all out. I swear blogging is the cheapest therapy invented.

Off to fold laundry and go to bed. I pray my mind will shut up tonight so I can sleep.


Katschi (Karen) said...

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely and missing your folks.
I'm sorry you're not having any luck (yet) with the financing.

It's good to hear the trainer agreed with you on your points about weight training. so no crunches necessary, eh? good to know.

Here's to you having a better day tomorrow, ok?
Luv ya, Mel!

Princess Dieter said...

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. It makes me feel so sad for you, especially the missing of mom/dad. I had my parents until 38 (when my pops died) and 44 (when my mom died), though they'd been having health issues for many years prior to dying, so it was hard in its own way watching that. I was 24 when my dad had brain surgery and never was quite right after that.

I do want to ask a tough question: Can you do without a car? Is your city one where you can learn to use the metro system (buses, trains)?

Or can you make do with what Dave Ramsey calls a "beater": an older cheap car with a good number of miles that will get you through until the time you have saved enough to upgrade? With your financial situation, it just doesn't seem like you can take on 10K plus of loan debt, honestly.

We have kiler good credit, and I ended up putting half down on my car when I bought it in May of last year, after my 10 year old one up and conked out on me (multiple times, costing me hundreds with little improvemet).

With tight credit conditions, banks need to be very cautious, and if you don't have good credit, you really need to think outside the box for a new solution to the transportation problem. Bike. Scooter. Old Car. Bus. Train. Hitching a ride and helping out with gas, etc.

I hope that doors open for you and you can feel that joy again.

best of luck as you work through this hard time,

The Princess

Tena said...

Sending hugs your way. At least you went out and got some good one on one time with a trainer, instead of one on one with a bag of chips!

I hope your day is better and you hear some good news on the car deal.

Scale Junkie said...

Its so hard being an orphan at such a young age and I still wish I could pick up the phone and call them, I always felt so cheated when I hear old people complain about their parents. :::hugs:::

Its not just you having a hard time finding financing, many people are I hope something works out for you soon.

I think its great that you talked to a trainer and its nice to hear that you can ignore half of the machines in the gym, its all so intimidating that if I ever did join a gym the first thing I'd do would be spend time with someone learning the basics.

Just hang in there, we all love you :::big hugs:::