Saturday, March 28, 2009

seriously...

what the hell is wrong with me today.. It was gorgeous out.. and I lazed around all day. I can't seem to keep myself in one mood.. I'm swinging back and forth between content and cranky almost every day... I'm not a fan of mood swings. I've also been clentching my teeth more then ever.. I know this is a sign of being angry about something.. I don't feel angry though.. I just feel annoyed and lost and everything but angry..

My body is so sore too... that body pump class was rough! 5 minutes of squats.. that's what I'm feelin today.. I feel like im 90 years old.. having to hold onto the sink to sit on the toilet.. clinging to the stair railing to get down the stairs.. what the hell!

What the hell to pretty much everything in my life...

I WANT TO GET OVER MYSELF AND MOVE FORWARD!!!

Figure my shit out.. where I want to live.. what I want to do.. and get on with my LIFE.
and f'in be PROACTIVE instead of passive... Every weekend I do this.. I waste time when there are TONS of things I could (AND SHOULD.. hello taxes?!) be doing.. and I just don't do it!

I know its that I find it easier to just do nothing.. to not be active in my life and surroundings... It's become a habit.. these past 5 years have just wiped me out and made me close up and be passive in my life... IM SICK OF IT

SNAP OUT OF IT MELISSA... you are 28... so you had your life crisis with the car accident/losing both parents at 22... You've wallowed in it for almost 6 years now... GET OVER YOURSELF and just MOVE ON ALREADY

I'm BEGGING YOU

I'm so TIRED of doing nothing.. achieving little... wasting away my 20's and dreaming of how things could be and of how I should be acting in my life story...

You know what you F*CKING NEED TO DO... so JUST DO IT!!!!


/end rant to self

this is very a la 'Eat Pray Love'... which I just finished (for the 2nd time) and want to read again already... I want a year long journey to find myself.....

3 comments:

TJ said...

I want to read that book.

I just have to say hang in there. I know things will get better and yeah, you gotta be the one to help yourself get there, but you will! :)

PS I hate doing any exercises that make me so sore the next day I cant sit on the potty! lol

:)tj

Mama Bear June said...

Will be praying for you. Hope you find the direction you need.

Sometimes when we kick butt on a workout, it kicks back for a few days. ;-)
Path to Health

Kelly said...

I need to read that book.

Honey, that's exactly how I felt right before starting WW. It's a bad feeling but it can be empowering. You have to will yourself to get up and just move and just take care of you. You are allowed to hate each step of the way on some days....but do it anyway. :)
((HUGS))