I'm done....

...with being so freakin FAT and UNHAPPY!!!

I just got done watching the biggest loser (from 2 weeks ago.. let's not forget I do not have cable and am behind by a week.. but grateful for Hulu.com!!)

that show ALWAYS get's me re-motivated. If there was one season I would want to buy on DVD to re-watch for motivation.. it would TOTALLY be this one.. and I think almost everyone has had some really great moments. I especially love Kristin and how well spoken she is...and both trainers have had some really great quotes. It's a nice departure from the previous seasons bitch fest with Viki and Heba.. I actually feel motivated by this current season.. and that's nice.

Anyways.. So I was looking through my photo albums on Face Book and it just really hit home for some reason that I am freaking FAT in all my pictures. Sure, there are some pictures that I can be proud of.. where I look half way descent.. but really... the majority I just look really fat and 'fake happy'... ya know.. the smiles there but its not real because deep down inside you are so miserable with your life and circumstances.

I'm so over being Fat... and ya know what .. screw the fat acceptance crap.. If I could love myself for who I am right now... I would.. but I can't... I can't look at a picture of my fat-ness and not be sad and angry.. How have I let myself live for the past 20+ years like this... HOW?!! I am not settling for this life... I REFUSE to let myself live another 20 years.. hell.. another 20 MONTHS like this... I am miserable and I can see it my face in these pictures and feel it in my heart and soul NOW.

enough is enough

No more 'trying' to lose weight and be healthy...

You don't see people on BL half-assing it... They are working hard and crossing lines every day to get where they are. And I know that the weight loss aspect of BL is unrealistic... but the hard work and determination isn't... So I am going to FIGHT for this...

I'm going to FIGHT to...
be HAPPY
be HEALTHY
be STRONG
be CONFIDENT
be SEXY
be the ME I KNOW I AM

There is no time limit for this because this is a LIFE CHANGE.. I want to transform into a new person.. and new, better me... and If that takes a year or two.. then it does.... but I'm not going to settle for 1 -2 lbs a month... I KNOW my body can do better than that. And I'm not going to give in to crap food and drink and pretend its OK to do that to my body. That's how I got where I am.. by just giving in to poor choices and habits and Hoping that the next day I will do better..

well.. It's my choice.. and I chose to FIGHT..