pre-meditated binge eating...

Do you ever do this...

You know you have a dinner or event comming up so you just give in a eat like crap before it even happens becuase, hey... you're gonna eat more crap latter anyways.. so what the hey!

I have friends coming up tonight until Sat. It's already been planned that there will be at least one, if not two, trips to the mexican restaurant... and margaritas are not optional.

I already have it in mind that that I will have a margarita.. chips and guacamole..

how crazy is it to plan your binge.. wtf?!!!

I'm also draggin' ass today.. damn period.. I am just exhausted today.. and making poor POOR choices because of it..

Didn't get up in time to make my lunch... so I have to buy today... then I was out buying femine products and ended up buying some reses pb cups because I had been thinking about them all week.. and buying chocolate was ok because I knew that I was going to go out and eat tonight..so.. might as well go all out today..

I don't know where I am going with this post...
I just hope I don't do too much damage.. these next few weeks are kind of nuts... going away next weekend to see some college friends.. really hope that doesn't turn into a binge fest of crap food and drink.. then the weekend after that is my dad's estate auction... and this week and next I have had to miss gym times because I'm selling a bunch of my stuff on craigslist..so I have to wait around for people..

I'm feeling very out of sorts and not focused at all.. I'm totally praying for a maintain for this sundays WI but would not be surprised by a gain...

probably wont be posting until Sun... so.. I hope you all have a good rest of your week and a great weekend!

not impressed

with myself!

I overate at dinner. I'd call it a binge but it was all healthy food although it was not in moderation for sure.

I think I was trying to make up for calories. I had my regular protein shake/smoothie this am... didn't have time for my mid morning snack.. lunch was couscous and veggies/beans... I also had baby carrots and hummus.. but I'm getting sick of carrots and the hummus I got was nasty.. that's what I get for buying cheap hummus I guess.

I had 3 cups of coffee today too.. with splenda and non-dairy creamer
I only drank about half of my big water bottle at work

then i came home starving.. so I doubled my dinner portion... instead of 6 turkey meatballs.. I had 12... I had 1 portion of whole wheat pasta.. a cup of steamed broc and carrots (the carrots I couldn't eat at lunch).. then decided to double my portion of spaghetti sauce .. then.. I needed something to soak up all that spaghetti sauce.. so I grabbed a piece of whole grain bread and put a little dab of real butter on it.

I felt a little out of control for sure. I was eating fast and just stuffing it all in my mouth like I had never had pasta or bread before. I am by no means on a low carb diet either. I just needed to stuff myself I guess.

I know why too --- pretty stressful week and I am just getting tired. I keep it in the back of my mind that this is usually the week people start falling of diets... and I really don't want to be a part of that statistic.. I just need to get through the rest of this week and re-focus myself this weekend.

I'm getting much much better about emotional eating for sure. And while my water intake has been iffy this week.. I have managed to stay within my daily calorie goals for the most part. Who knows what saturday morning WI will bring. I'm actually half expecting a gain.. and only because the week before I lost 5lbs...and I've also been stressed/down this week... and when you are down.. your body usually holds onto the weight.. or at least I've notice that that has happened for me.

how many times can I say it .. and why can't I take my own advice...

ONE DAY AT A TIME

tomorrow I will drink all my water.. I have cardio and will do my first weight session.. I will eat more protein instead of carbs and find new snacks since carrots/hummus is boring now.

I will not let this one day diminish the past 3 weeks accomplishments.

I will go back and re-read my old posts where I was really motivated and determined just to remind myself that I actually can be that person.

I will move forward, always with an eye on the past but never letting the past take me down...

a little binge...

Kind of went nuts at dinner tonight. It all started with these Jennie-o turkey burgers that just didn't do it for me. they were not appitizing.. they were the savory flavor.. and it seemed greasy or something.. kind of had the heartburn/acid in the back of my mouth.. so that annoyed me... So to get the taste out of my mouth.. I had a bowl of cereal. Kashi golean Crunch isn't bad.. but when you have 1 1/2 cups (300cal!) .. it kind of is... plus the soy milk..

anyways.. dinner was around 800 cals (i had some bread and veg in there too..) over all calorie total for the day was 2230.. very high for me.. I don't think my weight loss will stop or anything.. but I had to sit down and thing about what really was going on tonight.

I need to find new meal ideas.. these basic meals are getting boring to me.. and I don't want to stop eating clean because I know it's good for me and obviously it's working... but I really need a little more variety.

I was also bored tonight...and am PMS'ing... so I know what that binge really was... and yeah.. the burgers left a bad taste.. I will be returning them tomorrow.. ($7.50 for a box of 12.. so yeah.. RETURNING!)

Tomorrow I will go on as usual.. hit the gym after work and just keep going. I'm not going to let this little binge, though pretty healthy, stop me from anything. It happens... moving on!

This needs to stop!

Another binge...

I made chili tonight.. it was delicious and filling.. but after my serving I still wanted more food.. even thought I had had enough.. so I went down stairs.. made 2 100cal bags of popcorn.. my roomate had shredded some cheese for pizza and was not around.. so i sneaked a couple handfuls of cheese... then had 3 or 4 cookies she had made last night...

what is wrong with me?!

I am going to sit down right now.. and on a piece of paper.. make menus for the rest of the week.. and then i will check off each meal as I have it... I will also include point values and not feel obliged to have eat all 30 points.. especially since Its been a bad 3 days food wise.

Only positive thing to report is that I did an exercise video.. although I was not impressed with it. I have this pilates 'magic circle' thing and the video that comes with it is rediculous and the only part that was actually a work out to me was the end where we did pilates moves (the Hundered and leg lifts...) But I did SOMETHING... even though here I sit watching tv and writting.

I came across the Food Addicts page today.. I read through the page.. its a 12 step program like AA.. they listed FA's 'signs you could be a FA"... they are as follows..

Are you a food addict?To answer this question, ask yourself the following questions and answer them as honestly as you can.

1 Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't? maybe
2 Do you think about food or your weight constantly? YES
3 Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success? YES
4 Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging?
I've thought of it.. and sometimes think if I had access to a gym I would spend my whole evening there..
5 Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people?
I take all my meals in my bedroom... so yes
6 Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight?
I've only had DR's suggest to lose weight.. although.. my mom had me taking chromium when i was in HS.. so she was concerned
7 Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)?
YES... tonight.. and at least 5 times in the past few weeks...
8 Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long?
Not really.. i only nibble if I'm home all day.. I have a pretty set schedule otherwise
9 Do you eat to escape from your feelings?
Who doesnt... right now it's because I think I might be Preggers... and not wanting to be...
10 Do you eat when you're not hungry?
Yes.. I get bored.. I get emotional... I eat
11 Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later?
Yes... I belive it was wrapped chocolates...from the garbage.. yeah..
12 Do you eat in secret?
Yes.. and I sneak food when no one is around or not looking
13 Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake?
I WISH I could...
14 Have you ever stolen other people's food?
If taking 6 cookies from my roomate.. then yes...
15 Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?"
WHy hide it when I can just eat it now...
16 Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight?
I think about it.. If I had a gym membership.. I think I would try..
17 Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten?
Not obsessively..
18 Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten?
Yes..
19 Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?"
YES... cancled dates..stopped singing...stopped living...
20 Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food?
I feel frustrated.. I know I can get through this rough patch.. I keep thinking of that scene from "Fried Green Tomatoes".. where kathy bates character says "I wish I had the guts to just get REAL FAT!"... I feel like that sometimes..

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may be a food addict. You are not alone. FA offers hope through a real solution to food addiction.