What is wrong with me?!

What happened to the girl who actually *cared* about what she ate and how much she moved.

I'm at an all-time high of 260.

I just kind of gave up.... I've been eating crap and have had no second thoughts about it.

I know that if I keep it up I will be at 300 soon.

Looking back at my stats when I actually cared... last weigh in was 4/20 and I was 222.

Almost a year later... and 38lbs later... and I'm so miserable.

I know how to eat right... I know that working out is important.

I just can't get my mind wrapped around it all again. All I think is that 'what's the point.. I'm just going to gain it all back again'... it's this endless cycle and I don't know how to break it.

I got suckered into a fad diet... suddenly slim... it's pills and shakes and no carbs. That lasted a day and a half. I don't know why I even bothered. I know deep down that there is no quick/easy fix. Losing weight is hard and it takes consistent effort.

I know there are people out there that have gone through phases like this... and also people that are successful in what they do to lose weight.

What I need right now is inspiration.... so tell me.... how are you doing this 'healthy life' thing and what do you do to bounce back?!

I'm going to go read through my old posts and see if that helps.

did I do it...

Yes.. I DID go to the gym after work.. and then came home and made falafel (not fried, baked!) but had a second serving.. didn't make it to practice tho.. SO cold.. so I finished my taxes instead.. still owe.. but not as much as I thought.. I think I am going to take my stuff to a tax preparer though.. there were some questions on the online prep that I had no clue on.. so.. once I get paid for my singing gig in mid march.. i will finish my taxes.

I'm up to 223 this morning... I can't get to the gym tonight because of a meeting.. I know I'm retaining because of my mood/emotions.. I'm stressed about $.. but I just have to decide to be at peace with it all so I can de-stress.. I've come too far to back slide all the way back to 234 (or worse, 245.. my highest in the past few years)

I think maybe I'm a little lost with what to eat.. I mean.. I know what I should be eating... but I think I can do better and wonder if there is an eating plan out there that I could follow..I feel like I'm eating too many carbs/starches... not that I am against them.. I am not an atkins fan.. and know the importance of carbs...

I didn't get to cook this weekend so I bought stuff for salads for lunch.. but I really do not enjoy salads.. and I don't have enough 'stuff' to put on them.. and they have never been filling for me... so last night I made some weird mix of food for lunch.. ditalini pasta, black beans, squash and chili spice.. i put 1/4c of cheese on top to melt when I microwave it for lunch..

I'm totally not following a 'clean eating' diet anymore.. I've added back in sugar.. and while I still check lables for High fructose corn syrup.. I know I've added more processed foods back in.. like the lite ranch dressing i used on my falafel sandwiches last night..

I'm on the edge of not caring about what I eat.. and that's not good. All weekend I thought about buying a bag of doritos.. and actually had them in hand at one point (but put them back).. I'm frustrated.. and I know it's all because my LIFE is frustrating right now.. too much uncertainty and I'm just anxious... It makes it really hard to lose weight when you head really isnt in the game..

so my question to you all...

What is working for you food wise...
and
how do YOU combat the 'I wan't to give up/i'm tired of trying/this is hard' feelings/thoughts.

It's hard for me to ask for help.. but really...

Help?!