What is wrong with me?!

What happened to the girl who actually *cared* about what she ate and how much she moved.

I'm at an all-time high of 260.

I just kind of gave up.... I've been eating crap and have had no second thoughts about it.

I know that if I keep it up I will be at 300 soon.

Looking back at my stats when I actually cared... last weigh in was 4/20 and I was 222.

Almost a year later... and 38lbs later... and I'm so miserable.

I know how to eat right... I know that working out is important.

I just can't get my mind wrapped around it all again. All I think is that 'what's the point.. I'm just going to gain it all back again'... it's this endless cycle and I don't know how to break it.

I got suckered into a fad diet... suddenly slim... it's pills and shakes and no carbs. That lasted a day and a half. I don't know why I even bothered. I know deep down that there is no quick/easy fix. Losing weight is hard and it takes consistent effort.

I know there are people out there that have gone through phases like this... and also people that are successful in what they do to lose weight.

What I need right now is inspiration.... so tell me.... how are you doing this 'healthy life' thing and what do you do to bounce back?!

I'm going to go read through my old posts and see if that helps.

Making Excuses...

SPARKPEOPLE'S Translation...

Are you interested in your goals, or are you fully committed? One of the most common complaints among goal setters nowadays is that there’s just not enough time to get to the ones that “really matter.” The real culprit is that most people don’t raise their goals beyond the level of general interest. They’re waiting for a vague time in the future when other things won’t get in the way or when they wrap things up. In other words, when it’s more convenient. And of course, that time never comes, does it? If your goals are truly that important to you, don’t let anything stand in your way. You have the power to say ‘no’ and to set your priorities. Make that commitment and you automatically create an obligation that you’re bound to fulfill.

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I really needed that quote to show up on sparkpeople today... I was thinking last night how easy it would be to let these past 12 weeks of work just slip away and in a week or two be back to square one.. I've been all excuses this week... Monday it was rainy.. RAINY!!!.. I didn't go to the gym because of RAIN... then today we had an open house at work.. until 7:30... and I ended up eating a bunch of crap finger foods (meatballs..artichoke dip..) plus 2 (yes.. 2) chocolate pudding type things (which, granted, were worth it as it was PURE chocolate.. not jello puddin!)..

I wonder what it takes to get to the point where you are "that" person..

The person who is so committed to eating well and working out and that's NORMAL.. where there are no excuses.. no reasons to skip the gym.. where you are so dedicated to yourself that nothing will get in your way...

I half ass so many things in my life.. singing.. losing weight.. keeping up with friends... And why? I mean.. I know I've been passive the past few years.. and I have every reason to be so give my circumstances.. but really.. that's just one more excuse...

I'll never forget what one jerk-face guy I was with a few years ago said to me within the first few weeks of hanging out... "you are so full of excuses"... He saw right through me so quickly... I was of course pissed at him for saying so.. but I think I was more pissed that he called me out on it and at the time really didn't think I was an excuse person... but now realize I am... still think he's a jerk face though... but I digress...

The point it... There is no reason for me to be sitting back and making excuses about weight loss (or career, or LIFE)...

Do I want to lose weight ..... YES
Do I want to be healthy .... YES
Do I want to be strong and fit .... YES
Do I want to build my self esteem... YES
Do I want to be more energetic... YES

I want all these things and there no reason for me to not reach these goals... NOTHING... not rain.. not money.. not a crappy day at work... eating bad at one meal... being upset about x,y,z ...

Tomorrow I get myself back on track.. gym after work.. dinner.. practice...

Really... it's not that hard...