What is wrong with me?!

What happened to the girl who actually *cared* about what she ate and how much she moved.

I'm at an all-time high of 260.

I just kind of gave up.... I've been eating crap and have had no second thoughts about it.

I know that if I keep it up I will be at 300 soon.

Looking back at my stats when I actually cared... last weigh in was 4/20 and I was 222.

Almost a year later... and 38lbs later... and I'm so miserable.

I know how to eat right... I know that working out is important.

I just can't get my mind wrapped around it all again. All I think is that 'what's the point.. I'm just going to gain it all back again'... it's this endless cycle and I don't know how to break it.

I got suckered into a fad diet... suddenly slim... it's pills and shakes and no carbs. That lasted a day and a half. I don't know why I even bothered. I know deep down that there is no quick/easy fix. Losing weight is hard and it takes consistent effort.

I know there are people out there that have gone through phases like this... and also people that are successful in what they do to lose weight.

What I need right now is inspiration.... so tell me.... how are you doing this 'healthy life' thing and what do you do to bounce back?!

I'm going to go read through my old posts and see if that helps.

NO BACK SLIDING!!

You have worked hard at lossing this weight and it was finally starting to come off a little faster and what do you do? YOU GO BACK TO EATING CRAP!

WI this morning was 229.4

Last night I gave in and blew the rest of my day since my lunch was horrible (pizza).. and I went and got chinese. I got general tso's chicken.. TWO veg egg rolls and a diet mt. dew.

There are many things wrong with this... first.. i had chicken.. and I have been touting myself as a vegetarian.. then I have meat when I go out to eat?? That's not right.. I either don't have meat or I do.. I can't be in between..

second.. Eating this food made me feel physically sick. I haven't had this feeling in a long time.. but my left side and left shoulder hurt.. like I was over stuffing myself. I didn't feel good all night and this morning I had a really bad stomach ache and accompanying BM.

It was all because I had a bad lunch. I gave in.. decided to blow the whole day. Well.. it's those 'give-ins' that have made me fat. The not caring and just letting the rest of day slide after one slip up.. I'll never reach goal if I let a whole day go to waste. Yes.. one slip up now and then is inevitable.. no one is perfect.. but to let that one slip turn in to a big SLIDE.. NOT GOOD.

I vow to drink my water today.. and have 'clean foods'... nothing processed.. and def. no more take out... I'm going to have 2 slices of my homemade veggie pizza... make some rice and veggies tonight.. and just focus on one day at a time. I was so excited to see the scale at 225/226 a few days ago.. and I know Im probably retaing water from the chinese food.. BUT.. I probably did add some weight back.. Since sunday nights chinese food to last nights chinese food.. I've been packing in more food than I should. I know this sounds weird.. but If I go to bed hungry.. I know I've done a good job eating.. I shouldnt be going to be so full...

Food Log

800
bagel/cc (5)
tea

lunch 1245 ***
3 slices veggie pizza (15)
cheezits (4)
(19)

Dinner
600
1C CousCous (4)
sauted veggies (0)

icecream (2)

Used - 30

*** I felt really out of control at lunch.. I went home for lunch.. reheated 3 slices of the veggie pizza I made on Monday.. then grabbed the box of cheezits. I mean.. i still have 6 points for dinner.. and Im fine doing a ton of veggies over couscous.. I just feel like no matter how much I tell myself I need to eat less.. the more I want to (and end up) eating.. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that when you are denied something, it makes you want it even more... Life long battle.. here I come...