Not a good start to the day... and I could not pull myself together.. so I called into work and call in sick ("migraine").. which.. i do have a headache now after crying so much.
It will be 6 years this July since my Mom passed away. I get scared when moments like this happen. It's so easy just to spiral down into nothingness but I have a better handle on it as the years go by. I'm pretty sure this was triggered by stress because of closing my fathers estate and uncertainty of the future. I havent been really missing my mom.. this dream really came out of knowhere.
as for the dream.. I was at a wedding.. my sister was getting married.. and I turned to my mom, crying, and she asked why i was crying... and I said 'becaus I'm afraid you're not going to be there for my wedding'... and then I woke up sobbing..
The sad/weird thing was that I could not see her face... and it made me realize that I can only picture her because of the photos I have of her... which breaks my heart..
I'm also getting close to 'that time of the month'... so I imagine I'm getting emotional because of that..
and as for work... I probably could have gone in.. but I had one more sick day left.. and in the grand scheme of things.. me not being there will not bring the office down.. life will go on and they will manage... and I refuse to let work bother me anymore.
anyways.. that's the start of my day... still going to go to the gym and practice...and try to shake off these feeling... its scary to wake up like that.. makes me really wish I had health insurance and a therapist...
