Back on track

These past 3 weeks have been rough. I haven't been eating well.. have made poor food choices...ate out WAY too much...

I did do better with exercise.. pushed myself in my body pump class and even climbed a mountain...

But my weight has gone up... WAY up... It jumped up 6lbs after the mountain hike last weekend.. and has stayed there since.. part of me wishes it was just muscle.. but after the way I have been eating and the emotional states I have been in.. It's probably true gain..

Today's weigh in - 226.4

This makes me sad and angry when only a few weeks ago I was so excited to be below 220... and now I have to work it all back off again. It's daunting.. it's so hard to lose weight and then to gain some back.... ugh!

I have to realize that this is a life long journey.. I'm going to have to watch what I eat and really put in some effort to be healthy and lose weight. I can't just sit back and hope for the best. I need to really work at this...

I have a month until I move down to PA for the summer... so I am giving myself a 30day (really 28 day) challenge to stick to the following goals.

1. Track food/water in sparkpeople
2. prepare foods ahead of time so I'm not stuck eating out/making poor choices
3. Body pump 2x/week, walk-jog 3x/week (at minimum)
4. focus on clean foods.. no more chips, soda, pre packaged food, candy... it's really not worth it.. and no more 'cheat' days/meals.. you really need to just stick to plan every day and not blow it on the weekends... it's not getting you anywhere..
5. watch the stress.. job hunting and moving is tough.. but it will all work out.

BIG Note to Self....

OK.. you knew EXACTLY what you were doing.

since the last weigh in on 4/12 .. you have gone UP 4.5lbs... 4.5!!!!!!!!

You seriously lost it and gave in just because friends were visiting... lots of Margaritas.. TOO much food.. and then.. once they left.. you KEPT eating like crap!! You bough pizza, OREOS, and chips... and managed to finish off the chips and oreos all by yourself over the weekend. Not to mention the non-diet soda you drank.. and the lack of Exercise. You even gave up keeping track on spark people..

So is this what's going to happen when you are with other people.. you are just going to throw caution to the wind... is the food/drink really going to make the situation that much more fun?

Food and drink does not "make" a situation.. think about how crappy you felt... how tired and pathetic... how the sugar from the oreos made you feel sick.. how your digestive system went off..

This is not good for you. It is YOUR choice to eat the way you eat.. if you do this again this coming weekend you WILL be up in the upper 220's.... and remember how hard it was for you to get below 220? And how happy you were to finally be getting closer to the 210 mark.. and now you have to work that all off again.. and for what? For oreos and chips?

It's time to cut that crappy food out of your life.. it does NOTHING for you... stick to clean foods... if you are going to drink... stick to 1 glass of wine ... you don't need to have 3 margaritas per meal.. seriously..

GOALS for the WEEK
1. you have salad fixings for the lunches... and even though your boss is taking you out for lunch wed - you will still get a salad.. Meals are planned for the week - it's ok if its repetative.. at least you know you are staying with in your calorie range

2. You Will go to the gym M- TH.. Cardio M/W - a nice hour walk with inclines and Body Pump class T/TH.

3. Even though you will be w/ friends this weekend you will not lose control.. You have worked too hard to let the scale keep creeping up.. you already have 4.5lbs to get back off.. you don't need to add to it. Be happy that you are with your friends.. this does not require eating like crap!!

shifting into gear!

I'm shifting gears today.. for the first time in probably 2 weeks.. I feel positive and feel like my depression is lifting..

I was reading this blog and it really helped me to turn my thoughts around..

What's really important to you?
Is chocolate or chinese or what ever food more important than being healthy and losing weight?

No...

It's not...

It's going to be hard.. but I really need to reign in my eating.. focus on healthy foods
I've got my water down... exercise is 2 for 5 this week..

I need to stop being all talk and just DO

it's a new day

Had a little bump in the road yesterday and life sure is throwing a lot challenges my way this week.. BUT.. after giving myself last night to mope and be sad about it all.. I am now ready to get back up and fight.

I will be making a list of reason why I am working on myself.. a list of all the positive things going my way... and while I acknowledge that I have challenges to deal with (don't we all).. I will not let those 'challenges' bring me down.

Yesterday's post(s) reminded me of my old self.. the girl who would give up and give in to things/people that were not good for her. I am not that person anymore and will not let all this good that I've accomplished just disappear becuase 'it's too hard'

NO BACK SLIDING!!

You have worked hard at lossing this weight and it was finally starting to come off a little faster and what do you do? YOU GO BACK TO EATING CRAP!

WI this morning was 229.4

Last night I gave in and blew the rest of my day since my lunch was horrible (pizza).. and I went and got chinese. I got general tso's chicken.. TWO veg egg rolls and a diet mt. dew.

There are many things wrong with this... first.. i had chicken.. and I have been touting myself as a vegetarian.. then I have meat when I go out to eat?? That's not right.. I either don't have meat or I do.. I can't be in between..

second.. Eating this food made me feel physically sick. I haven't had this feeling in a long time.. but my left side and left shoulder hurt.. like I was over stuffing myself. I didn't feel good all night and this morning I had a really bad stomach ache and accompanying BM.

It was all because I had a bad lunch. I gave in.. decided to blow the whole day. Well.. it's those 'give-ins' that have made me fat. The not caring and just letting the rest of day slide after one slip up.. I'll never reach goal if I let a whole day go to waste. Yes.. one slip up now and then is inevitable.. no one is perfect.. but to let that one slip turn in to a big SLIDE.. NOT GOOD.

I vow to drink my water today.. and have 'clean foods'... nothing processed.. and def. no more take out... I'm going to have 2 slices of my homemade veggie pizza... make some rice and veggies tonight.. and just focus on one day at a time. I was so excited to see the scale at 225/226 a few days ago.. and I know Im probably retaing water from the chinese food.. BUT.. I probably did add some weight back.. Since sunday nights chinese food to last nights chinese food.. I've been packing in more food than I should. I know this sounds weird.. but If I go to bed hungry.. I know I've done a good job eating.. I shouldnt be going to be so full...

Food Log

800
bagel/cc (5)
tea

lunch 1245 ***
3 slices veggie pizza (15)
cheezits (4)
(19)

Dinner
600
1C CousCous (4)
sauted veggies (0)

icecream (2)

Used - 30

*** I felt really out of control at lunch.. I went home for lunch.. reheated 3 slices of the veggie pizza I made on Monday.. then grabbed the box of cheezits. I mean.. i still have 6 points for dinner.. and Im fine doing a ton of veggies over couscous.. I just feel like no matter how much I tell myself I need to eat less.. the more I want to (and end up) eating.. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that when you are denied something, it makes you want it even more... Life long battle.. here I come...