note to self

If they can run a full marathon on Biggest Loser... if RON can complete it w/injuries and just walking... then I can freaking lose to effin' pounds a week.. SERIOUSLY!!!

and yes.. I am a week behind on BL.. please don't tell me the results!


This is my re-commit to myself, my health, my SANITY, my fight with losing all this weight for once and for all..

My BFF T has agreed to do a 5k with me in the fall so we both have something to work towards..

There is no reason in the world why I can't lose this weight and get healthy.. NONE.
I have lost weight before
I have gained muscle before
I have even jogged for 5+ minutes before
and
anything is possible if you put your mind to it

So...

Here we go!!

I'm done....

...with being so freakin FAT and UNHAPPY!!!

I just got done watching the biggest loser (from 2 weeks ago.. let's not forget I do not have cable and am behind by a week.. but grateful for Hulu.com!!)

that show ALWAYS get's me re-motivated. If there was one season I would want to buy on DVD to re-watch for motivation.. it would TOTALLY be this one.. and I think almost everyone has had some really great moments. I especially love Kristin and how well spoken she is...and both trainers have had some really great quotes. It's a nice departure from the previous seasons bitch fest with Viki and Heba.. I actually feel motivated by this current season.. and that's nice.

Anyways.. So I was looking through my photo albums on Face Book and it just really hit home for some reason that I am freaking FAT in all my pictures. Sure, there are some pictures that I can be proud of.. where I look half way descent.. but really... the majority I just look really fat and 'fake happy'... ya know.. the smiles there but its not real because deep down inside you are so miserable with your life and circumstances.

I'm so over being Fat... and ya know what .. screw the fat acceptance crap.. If I could love myself for who I am right now... I would.. but I can't... I can't look at a picture of my fat-ness and not be sad and angry.. How have I let myself live for the past 20+ years like this... HOW?!! I am not settling for this life... I REFUSE to let myself live another 20 years.. hell.. another 20 MONTHS like this... I am miserable and I can see it my face in these pictures and feel it in my heart and soul NOW.

enough is enough

No more 'trying' to lose weight and be healthy...

You don't see people on BL half-assing it... They are working hard and crossing lines every day to get where they are. And I know that the weight loss aspect of BL is unrealistic... but the hard work and determination isn't... So I am going to FIGHT for this...

I'm going to FIGHT to...
be HAPPY
be HEALTHY
be STRONG
be CONFIDENT
be SEXY
be the ME I KNOW I AM

There is no time limit for this because this is a LIFE CHANGE.. I want to transform into a new person.. and new, better me... and If that takes a year or two.. then it does.... but I'm not going to settle for 1 -2 lbs a month... I KNOW my body can do better than that. And I'm not going to give in to crap food and drink and pretend its OK to do that to my body. That's how I got where I am.. by just giving in to poor choices and habits and Hoping that the next day I will do better..

well.. It's my choice.. and I chose to FIGHT..

well isn't that just special!

I ran for 5 minutes straight today... and get this.. it was EASY

I was inspired by the biggest loser episode where they had to run a half marathon and just thought 'hey.. if they can run for hours at a time.. I can manage 5 minutes'... and so I did...

nothing else really going on..back to the gym and It's nice although I am annoyed that there are more people in the gym now. I was only gone for a week and it seems like everyone and their mother is now at the gym when I am.. I usually go around 5:30 and it's pretty dead...

I'm really tempted to try the Body Jam class on Sunday.. i was watching the instructor practicing today.. this tiny woman just bouncin around going through the routine before tonights class.. and It made me smile.. it's at 10:30 on Sunday.. I may have to make an effort... I am also going to check out a body pump class for REALS this time.. I know I've been talking about it for months.. but I was busy with singing... maybe Ill check out tomorrows pump class.

I hope everyone is having a good week... anyone else feel like this week went by super fast.. not complaining becuase it's one more week down until June when I leave the most BORING office job in the world. March flew by too... again.. not upset!

Celebrity Encounter!

So.. I work for a Contempory Hits radio station and we have been getting some sweet interview.. well today it was

JILLIAN MICHALES.. of Biggest Loser fame!!

It was a phone interview.. but I was able to gush over her and tell her how much I loved the show and how great she was... I was actually quite composed for being put on the spot.. She was very friendly and really appreciative..

I'm going to try to get the mp3 of the interview for you all because she had some pretty awesome things to say...and she was mad cute about it all.. Love her!!

Inspiration...

I'm a week behind on the Biggest Loser because I do not have cable.. so i watch it online. I had to watch week two's episode twice because I felt so inspired by it and so much of what was said by the contestants and trainers just resonated so strongly with me.

You can watch this episode HERE on nbc.. it will be there until Jan. 28th

I do enjoy this show but does anyone else feel like this show has become way too scripted and is also using way too much product placement. I also hope that they have therapists on hand because that girl Joelle really needs to figure things out. I felt bad that Bob yelled at her... but.. she wasn't pushing herself.. and she was all talk... and as yoda says..

'Do or do not.. there is NO TRY'

I constantly work on eliminating that word from my vocabulary.. It's one of the top 5 things that keep me from being the best person I can be.


The following are not my words... they are the words of the contestants and trainers of the Biggest Loser 7 - week 2

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The hardest part is accountability .. it (weight loss) is up to me…no one else is going to do this for me"

Bob and Joelle's first talk: (these are all Bob's words below....)

The workouts are a component.. but you also need to focus on you.. getting you out of your comfort zone.

Are all your prayers going to be answered once you lose 100lbs?

What do you need to forgive… todays the day you need to forgiveyourself

Anytime you start feelin that fear..
welcome it..
hands up ..
eyes open..
'I welcome this'

Don’t give all that fear that power
It’s time for you to start seeing what you are capable of
You will come out of this victorious
I believe in you
You believe in you
And there’s no failure in that
(Bob on being afraid to Fail)

‘its not that you need someone to push you… YOU need to push YOU’

daughter: You sound different
Mom: I am… I’m becoming a different person And it FEELS GREAT

Dan runs for 7mph:
‘to feel my body moving that fast for the first time in a long time was a great feeling
It was terrifying
But it was a great great feeling to push myself like that'

Trust the process… change forever
~ Bob

When PMS attacks!! Next on FOX!

Seriously! All over the place today.. crazy happy one moment and crying the next. Don't ya love it.. No?? Me either!!

Anyways.. stressy moments at work.. but luckily I had my lunch and snacks prepared and with me. Thank god we finally got a fridge in our new office. I'm the only one that uses it. I'd hate to be a sales person and always be on the road. I suppose If I was.. Id still bring my lunch and snacks with me in a cooler because that's what ya gotta do to get it done!

I had a war with myself about the gym today. I'm cranky/tired and very PMS'y and at the height of my weekly (sorry boys..TMI.. I know!).. so I thought.. "Hey.. it's been a rough day.. you are tired.. your body probably needs a break.. "

BLAH
BLAH
BLAH

I had to yell at myself in the car to not sabotage myself and make all these excusses for the gym. I decided to go to the gym and at least do 30 minutes. If you still aren't into it 100%.. then you can stop.

So that's what I did. And while I ended up only doing the 30 minutes

AT LEAST I WENT

That's more than half the battle in my book.

I came home after.. made my healthy dinner (chicken, rice and veg with some lite soy sauce)
Got a big glass of water and sat down to catch up on the first week of the biggest loser.

I could write a whole post about that show... and while I HATE that it's based on elimination.. this season has some really amazing people on it. I love listening to their "ah-ha" moments... because I've had a lot of those same thoughts and ideas myself! This show is always eye opening.. especially in the first few weeks. I have to watch it online.. so I get it a week after it was on tv.. but thats ok... I like the inspirations even if its a week late!

Watching these people push themselves really makes me realize how much I am NOT pushing myself... granted.. they are supervised by Doctors and all that... but there's no reason why I can't walk .. or even JOG.. faster then 3.0mph. That's really a big portion of the show this season... doing it for yourself, on you own, at home. It will be interesting to see how it works out in the end. I KNOW I can do more... I freakin' JOGGED yesterday...I need to keep a mini-Jillian in my pocket or on my shoulder... or at least keep the people of biggest loser on my mind while I'm trying to wimp out!

Has anyone tired the Biggest Loser workout dvds? I just got the sculpting one today from Netflix. I will have to give it a go this weekend and give a review about it. I will, however, be meeting with a trainer on monday to go over all the weight machines in the gym... and now that MizFit knows I'm doing it.. now I REALLY need to follow through or she will kick my butt! ; )

Thanks always to everyone who comments and/or adds me to their watch lists. It's neat knowing that my thoughts and actions can inspire someone else! I try to get to everyone's page to catch up and even If I don't get a moment to write.. know that you all are on my mind and keep me going!

Take care and have a great day tomorrow!