note to self

If they can run a full marathon on Biggest Loser... if RON can complete it w/injuries and just walking... then I can freaking lose to effin' pounds a week.. SERIOUSLY!!!

and yes.. I am a week behind on BL.. please don't tell me the results!


This is my re-commit to myself, my health, my SANITY, my fight with losing all this weight for once and for all..

My BFF T has agreed to do a 5k with me in the fall so we both have something to work towards..

There is no reason in the world why I can't lose this weight and get healthy.. NONE.
I have lost weight before
I have gained muscle before
I have even jogged for 5+ minutes before
and
anything is possible if you put your mind to it

So...

Here we go!!

BIG Note to Self....

OK.. you knew EXACTLY what you were doing.

since the last weigh in on 4/12 .. you have gone UP 4.5lbs... 4.5!!!!!!!!

You seriously lost it and gave in just because friends were visiting... lots of Margaritas.. TOO much food.. and then.. once they left.. you KEPT eating like crap!! You bough pizza, OREOS, and chips... and managed to finish off the chips and oreos all by yourself over the weekend. Not to mention the non-diet soda you drank.. and the lack of Exercise. You even gave up keeping track on spark people..

So is this what's going to happen when you are with other people.. you are just going to throw caution to the wind... is the food/drink really going to make the situation that much more fun?

Food and drink does not "make" a situation.. think about how crappy you felt... how tired and pathetic... how the sugar from the oreos made you feel sick.. how your digestive system went off..

This is not good for you. It is YOUR choice to eat the way you eat.. if you do this again this coming weekend you WILL be up in the upper 220's.... and remember how hard it was for you to get below 220? And how happy you were to finally be getting closer to the 210 mark.. and now you have to work that all off again.. and for what? For oreos and chips?

It's time to cut that crappy food out of your life.. it does NOTHING for you... stick to clean foods... if you are going to drink... stick to 1 glass of wine ... you don't need to have 3 margaritas per meal.. seriously..

GOALS for the WEEK
1. you have salad fixings for the lunches... and even though your boss is taking you out for lunch wed - you will still get a salad.. Meals are planned for the week - it's ok if its repetative.. at least you know you are staying with in your calorie range

2. You Will go to the gym M- TH.. Cardio M/W - a nice hour walk with inclines and Body Pump class T/TH.

3. Even though you will be w/ friends this weekend you will not lose control.. You have worked too hard to let the scale keep creeping up.. you already have 4.5lbs to get back off.. you don't need to add to it. Be happy that you are with your friends.. this does not require eating like crap!!

not impressed

with myself!

I overate at dinner. I'd call it a binge but it was all healthy food although it was not in moderation for sure.

I think I was trying to make up for calories. I had my regular protein shake/smoothie this am... didn't have time for my mid morning snack.. lunch was couscous and veggies/beans... I also had baby carrots and hummus.. but I'm getting sick of carrots and the hummus I got was nasty.. that's what I get for buying cheap hummus I guess.

I had 3 cups of coffee today too.. with splenda and non-dairy creamer
I only drank about half of my big water bottle at work

then i came home starving.. so I doubled my dinner portion... instead of 6 turkey meatballs.. I had 12... I had 1 portion of whole wheat pasta.. a cup of steamed broc and carrots (the carrots I couldn't eat at lunch).. then decided to double my portion of spaghetti sauce .. then.. I needed something to soak up all that spaghetti sauce.. so I grabbed a piece of whole grain bread and put a little dab of real butter on it.

I felt a little out of control for sure. I was eating fast and just stuffing it all in my mouth like I had never had pasta or bread before. I am by no means on a low carb diet either. I just needed to stuff myself I guess.

I know why too --- pretty stressful week and I am just getting tired. I keep it in the back of my mind that this is usually the week people start falling of diets... and I really don't want to be a part of that statistic.. I just need to get through the rest of this week and re-focus myself this weekend.

I'm getting much much better about emotional eating for sure. And while my water intake has been iffy this week.. I have managed to stay within my daily calorie goals for the most part. Who knows what saturday morning WI will bring. I'm actually half expecting a gain.. and only because the week before I lost 5lbs...and I've also been stressed/down this week... and when you are down.. your body usually holds onto the weight.. or at least I've notice that that has happened for me.

how many times can I say it .. and why can't I take my own advice...

ONE DAY AT A TIME

tomorrow I will drink all my water.. I have cardio and will do my first weight session.. I will eat more protein instead of carbs and find new snacks since carrots/hummus is boring now.

I will not let this one day diminish the past 3 weeks accomplishments.

I will go back and re-read my old posts where I was really motivated and determined just to remind myself that I actually can be that person.

I will move forward, always with an eye on the past but never letting the past take me down...

Kindda down tonight..

so let's figure out why...

I didn't get financed for the Murano. This after dealing with a really crappy sales guy who had no clue and no customer service skills.. I was pretty annoyed about that. I went to the Hyundai dealer tonight.. told him my story and he took all my info to see what he could do. I currently own a hyundai..so there is the incentives for that. He heavily suggested a co-signer to help things and asked 'what about mom and dad?'

I hate this question...and can only brush it off casually so much.. so I just said right out.. "my mom and dad both passed away a few years ago... and my sister is out in Portland... so no.. there really is no one around to help co-sign'

insert awkward fumbling of words by sales guy

Overall I don't mind telling people about this...as long as I know them (Karen - you are FINE!!!).. I think I'm just annoyed with the car buying process and frustrated with the $ issue of it all. I can't ask any of my friends to co-sign.. we are all in financial submarines.. and we all are struggling (or sinking, to go along with the submarine analogy!). I just started my new job.. and don't think I could ever ask my boss anyways.. thats just weird.. and other relatives.. I just dont feel *that* close to to be asking for a co-sign. My best friend Eva co-signed for one of my student loans and I feel so guilty having her on there.. especially since I have to keep deffering that loan and they bug her about it. I just dont like having to tie someone in to my mess.. and not that I'm not able to make monthy car payments now.. I do $320 a month now.. I just get nervous with $ I guess.

So..Hyundai is going to see what they can get me in to.. even if its not an suv, which I would prefer..I haven't felt safe in a car since my car accident back in 2003.. I like to be higher up and off the ground! Ofcourse when the dealer drove my car he didnt get the crazy shifting/bucking issue that I keep having.. why does it always work like that?!

Anyways.. So that's been bugging me today...

I was also doing training or "remedial help" as I call it.. at another radio station today. The girl who trained me 2 months ago is Prego and due on Feb 5th..so i wanted to just sit down with her and review things and fix errors and just make sure I'm doing the right things.. so that was stressful..

Plus I'm cold and tired from driving for 2 hours

and.. I didn't get my regular snacks and lunch in

I went out for lunch today.. to a mexican restaurant. Now.. I am actually ok with this since I told myself I would alow 1 meal a week to be "off plan".. I had a chicken burrito, which ofcourse had cheese on top.. could I have asked for no cheese?.. sure.. but I decided not to. The burrito came with beans and rice. But then there was my downfall.. the CHIPS AND SALSA. Chips, salsa, and I are good friends.. we go way back... but they are a trigger food and I had to kick them out of the house. But.. I did say that I get one meal a week to eat what and how I want.. So.. todays lunch.. which was close to a days worth of calories in that one meal... Was just ONE MEAL out of this week.

I came home and made eggs and toast.. filled my water bottle up (also something i was lacking on today.. ).. and came up to my room to read and relax.

I actually feel better having just "said" all this.. writting is such a powerful tool for me and sometimes the best way for me to express my self.

I will not let this day ruin my week. I know that once you fall off.. you have to get right back on.. and I did that with my portion controlled dinner. The old me would've said "F*ck it!.. I'm going to go get some chinese take out because today SUCKED'... but not the new me..

The new me knows what I can achieve now.. it knows that one meal will not break me.. It knows that Food will not help me with my $ issues.. It will not help me be happy and It will not fix anything.. its just food... there to provide NUTRITION.. and thats it.

I hope you all had a great day! I'm off to watch Obama's inaguration that I had to miss because I actually had to do work.. boo hoo!

ok.. done ranting/whinning/complaining/making excusses

Got a minute?

The following is not my own work -- It is by Linda Spangle.. author or "100 days of weight loss' and ' Life is Hard, Food is easy' .. Both EXCELLENT books to help you stay focused. I'm currently re-working through '100 days' and it's a nice reminder of what I need to do to get this done once and for all!

It's a little long but SO WORTH IT!
___________________________________________________________________



Got a minute? That's long enough to renew your focus
The Wt. Loss Minute By Linda Spangle, RN, MAAuthor: 100 Days of Weight Losswww.WeightLossJoy.com

(Be sure to read the GREAT NEWS about changes in thisezine, then pass this on to everyone you know who struggleswith weight loss. See end of today's ezine for the specialannouncement!)

Great idea: Keep going with your program, day after dayafter day...

Today will decide whether you make it or not. In fact,today represents a critical turning point in yourweight-loss success.

The reason? Most people average just three to four weeks ona diet before they fall off the wagon. So for all of youwho started a weight-loss program around the first ofJanuary, this is diet drop-out week!

You've probably been through this before. When you firststart a new diet, you feel strong, motivated and determined that you will reach your goal. For the first few weeks,everything goes well. You meticulously count food points,drink your nutritional shakes or write down everything you eat.

But real life didn't change just because you went on a diet. People still bring cookies to work and invite you to birthday parties or happy hour. Others entice you to share a dessert. And somewhere between week three and four,there's a good chance you'll start to weaken.

Perhaps you'll get tired of planning and recording. Or you'll get side-tracked by stress, fatigue or work challenges. Next thing you know, you'll give into temptation and eat six cookies or have a couple glassesof wine.

In reality, falling off your diet isn't the end of theworld. Unless--you can't get back on it again. That's what makes this such a critical point in your weight-loss plan.What you do this week can affect the outcome of the entireyear ahead.

Here are three important steps to put in place immediately:

1. Remember WHY...
To strengthen your motivation, review all the reasons WHYyou want to lose or maintain your weight. Make sure you have a list of at least ten outcomes you want so badly-things such as feel better, have more energy, wear nicer clothes, have less back and knee pain, and sit in a theaterseat comfortably.

If you're feeling really bold, add ten more things such as wear a bathing suit without feeling embarrassed,participate in a yoga class, run a 5K race. Read your list often, perhaps daily, over the next few weeks.

Anytime you're tempted to let up on your program, go backto the list and remind yourself, 'THIS is why I'm doing this diet/exercise program. And because these things are important to me, I'll keep going with my efforts,'

2. Go back to what works

When you first started your diet plan, what helped you make it work? What tricks did you use to drink enough water or avoid food temptations? Was there a certain time of day that you did your exercise? Make a list of things that contributed to your ability to stay on track. Then put these ideas back in place and use them to make your program successful again.

3. Keep going, day after day after day...!

Success requires staying on your program day after day after day. Any time you're tempted to give up on your dieting efforts, think about how much progress you've made so far. Then tell yourself that all you have to do is complete one more day.

Make a sign that says:

DON'T STOP NOW! Just do one more day!

Post copies on the refrigerator, your computer, in your car, and anywhere else where it will help your focus. Use this reminder to help you push through fatigue,discouragement, and motivation struggles. Every day on the path is a day closer to your goals!


Exciting news! Tell all your friends!!!
Beginning in February, I will begin a new ezine theme based on my best-selling book, 'Life is Hard, Food is Easy.' Overthe course of this next year, I will cover most of the content of this book by summarizing it in my weekly ezine.

You don't need to buy the book or spend time reading the entire text (unless you want to.) Instead, you'll be ableto use my ezine as a weekly learning tool. I'll becovering all the important lessons from the book,including:

* 5 Steps to conquering emotional eating* Ways to routinely boost motivation and keep it strong* How to prevent sabotage, from others as well as yourself* Move past the barriers that keep getting in your way* Heal tough emotions such as grief, anger and depression

Pass it on!
Forward this ezine to everyone you know who struggles with weight loss. They won't want to miss this great year of book excerpts as well as input and advice.

They can sign up for the Wt. Loss Minute newsletter by going here:
http://www.weightlossjoy.com/ezine/


Previous issues:http://www.rapidwtloss.com/index.php?page_id=289
Copyright Linda Spangle, 2009. #0119, Weight Loss for Life, Inc.

5023 W. 120th Ave. #183, Broomfield, CO 80020Contact: Linda@WeightLossJoy.comwww.weightlossjoy.com303-452-1545 or 1-800-298-3020