rollercoasters are fun... just not the emotional ones....

Since fridays crazyness my emotions have been all over the place! I blame it on the end of Aunt Flow and doing Stupid Taxes.

I had a meeting at camp last night and while I have been given more responisbilities in the summer (which is what I asked for)... things are a little iffy for after the summer. I'd like to work for the camp full time.. but to do that.. i'd have to actually LIVE at the camp.. in the middle of no-where PA.. for the whole time. I guess I had it in my mind to work for camp on my own terms.. i.e.. living in/near the city.. doing work from my home office.. and taking the evenings to teach a perform. That's not what John (the Boss) had in mind.. so now my thoughts of 'what to do with my life' all come flooding back in... And then after just starting (not finishing.. I became frustrated..) my taxes.. It looks like I am going to be OWEING a butt load of taxes back. It didn't help that I had 4 different jobs last year.. and one of them in PA.. it also didn't help (and OH how I regret this one..).. that I emptied the 7K out of my IRA because I 'needed the Money'.. I can't even remember why I thought I needed that money last year.. I was teaching so I had a pretty descent salary.. something must've came up (my guess is either car problems or Student Loan payments)...and I had to take that money out. or maybe I just felt that since I hadn't put any money in there since 2003.. that it was a waste..

well.. now I'm paying for that huge mistake... I think my biggest goal this year ( after losing my weight ofcourse..) is getting my life financially stable. I am in no way living outside my means now.. I'm making 25K/yr at this radio job.. and I am on a strict budget. I guess I should've paid more attention when I was teaching.. I kind of just didn't think about $ because I knew it would always be there.. but things crept up on me.. I moved.. I changed jobs.. i was unemployed for awhile.. life got in the way.

Now I'm confronted with how to pay back all these taxes... and what to do with my life after the summer.

If I work for camp year round.. I'd have to live in PA.. the reason I'm leaving upstate ny is becuase there are so few teaching/performing opportunities... and if I move to PA.. then I'm still in that situation... BUT.. as part of my salary/compensation... I get to live there for free.. utilities are free and I get a food budget... But can I still afford to pay all my bills. They don't know how much they have or if they can afford me. I need to sit down and figure out how much I pay towards bills.. including the student loans that will be coming back into effect this summer (can't defer forever...)

ughh.... and to top it all off.. I think I'm allergic to gum.. or at least something in the gum because while I was cheweing a piece of stride spearamint gum.. the vein or maybe salivary gland? under my tounge on the left side became swollen and it was hard to swallow...and actually kind of hurt and made my left side of my jaw/ear hurt and feel a little numb. This has happend once before.. but I don't remember chewing gum then.. I was reading up online about anything similar and it ofcourse came back with a bazillion different ideas... cysts in the glands.. salivary 'stones'.. but nothing saying that gum can cause an allergic reaction like what I had.. I'll just stay away from gum I guess...

and.. my throat is itchy.. I think it was just dry air last night.. and I took a benadryl thinking it would help with my inflammed tounge vein...

oh life.... *sigh*

I at least had a pleasant surprise on the scale this am.. couldnt resist the temptation of the all-knowing scale..

219.6

bodies are weird....